1-3-2004 Coach Weis? Kill me!

He (McGroarty) has done things like this for the last four years. It is typical for him to keep doing it for his last few days. It is just a shame for the residents of the city.--Kathy Kane

I hear that. I'll second that motion. He is the cupped hand that continues to suffocate this weary city.

Can somebody 'splain this Theta land purchase to me that the Tom/Tom Twins are receiving so much praise for. I surely don't get it. Why did we do this? To protect seven thousand acres from progress? Or sprawl? To protect the plant and animal habitat? To protect the watershed? Why is it no one is worried about those pristine places in the Back Mountain, Mountain Top, or the Montage Mountain area? Why protect Chipamuck Township from man and his multitude of evils and why now? 'Splain it to me. I'm a lowly commoner with one hand on a six-pack and the other on my 'lil sister. Sorry kiddies, but this move wreaks of political shenanigans to this less than astute observer. It wreaks.

And who really gives a flying flip about the animals and the plants on some hilly outpost anyway? Oh, it sounds so correct to babble on about saving watersheds and whatnot. That is, until wifey decides that she wants to acquire that pristine wooded lot behind the already expansive homestead and 'mission creep' would end up aptly describing her need for more landscaping, more exotic vegetation and a much larger in-ground pool. Saving the earth is the politically correct thing to devote your life to until it interferes with our need for bigger and better trophies to demonstrate our earning potential. C'mon. Let's be honest here.

The part of this that really cracks me up is the line that we're somehow protecting our water supply. Give me a break. Mine has to be the only household within the shadow of the Salem Township mushroom towers that does not have bottled water delivered to it. I do not need AA batteries to power any ridiculous filters on my faucets. But...most of the rest of you do. No one I've ever met claimed that the H20 coming out of their faucets was a superior product, or even trustworthy for that matter. I've been told that our municipal water supply smelled funny, tasted funny, and left unidentified morsels in the bottom of glasses. We've been told for twenty years that the safety of our water supply was already compromised by those lovable little critters we're now sworn to protect. Remember any of that bilge? Whenever a cute little beaver takes a dump on any mountain within two clicks of a natural tributary, we're destined for a day-long intestinal coup-d'etat. Remember that? Giardiasis County, anyone?

So, the former water company built some nifty water treatment plants, quadrupled our water bills in the process, and now...NOW...the county spends millions to protect our water supply? Getting suspicious yet? How about the fact that we bought this land from a company who's principles shall continue to go nameless? The only reason this land buy did not so much as raise an eyebrow is because it was wrapped in some feel-good-ism such as saving the natural habitat. Who would complain about that? It's no different from the state pouring countless dollars into our bottomless pit of an education system without ever expecting, or ever receiving any noticeable improvement. It's for the children. Gee, that's feels and sounds good. Raise the cigarette taxes and waste some more money. It's for the children. Wink. Wink. Wink. Wink, wink, wink, and wink.

Political patronage will never die, it'll just continue to smell funny.

I'll do my best Austin Powers impersonation here. YEAHHHHH! BABY! YEAHHHHH!

Forget the bike patrols. No more horse patrols. This is what we need. I've read about crooked cops, but never cops with crooked guns. Bring 'em on!

Why is it we feel the need to congregate, ingest copious amounts of fermented grains, and then sing some stupid song we don't even understand on New Year's Eve? Who knows? At least we'll understand those odd lyrics from here on out. Old Angus Sign

You know, you really can find anything on this infinate internet thingy. Anything. Whether you need it or not, it's out there waiting for you. Here's a must-have item.

Looky here! And only $19.95!!! If only I had one of these when I was one of the two male members of the 66 strong L.C.C.C. Circle K club way back when, when my Socialist-leaning professors were inflicting the metric system on this impressionable young KISS fan. There's nothing like a clean, close shave while trying to impress the ladies.

As resumes go, this one is quite specific, although I'm not sure what half of it pertains to. Boy/Girl + Anal? DP? Boy/Girl/Boy + Anal? She sure comes off as being a professional. I guess.

I live in a city with a $35 million budget and one of the highest wage taxes in the state that can't manage to pick-up the garbage in a timely manner. I know, I know, this is becoming old news, but it's been dominating the news of late. The Leader. The Voice. WNEP. WBRE. WILK. Our municipal waste guru, our mayoral pretender can repeat his "council restricted overtime" line until someone that recently underwent a lobotomy actually believes him, but he sounds like a complete, inept buffoon everytime he repeats that nonsense. Let us get this straight here, Mr. McCondescension. You cannot pick-up our curbside cast-offs without doubling, or tripling the base salaries of our DPW employees? You are the ill-fated poster boy of what not to do if one ever gains control over anything more complicated that a hamster cage. Or an ant farm.

He goes out as he came in. Denying any responsibility for any of his haphazard decisions and his glaring lack of any managerial prowess.

"Council did it."

'Council bad/Mayor good.'

When the very same people he tried to vilify for all of his mistakes turn this city around rather noticeably, he'll finally be exposed as the worst mayor in the history of this city to even the folks that pay only marginal attention to the goings-on at City Hall. It's a new year, we've got a new mayor, and as Wilkes-Barre's situation steadily improves, the ultimate plunderer will eventually learn to keep his yap shut and his head down. McMud's already tainted legacy will be damaged further with every small step forward that this city takes.

As my enormous friend Tommy often says to complete fools, "Shut your hole, boy!!!"

That's good advice coming from a born-and-raised type who already fled McGroarty's house of horrors.

OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!! I thought you were muckin' about! Such sad times are these when passing ruffians can say N-E-E-T to an old woman at will. There is a pestilence upon this land. Nothing is sacred.

From the e-mail inbox:

I kid you not, a guy {I think from New England} by the name of Charlie Weis is one of the people the Giants are talking to for the head coach position.

A guy named Charlie Weis may end up coaching the New York Football Giants? I need some advice here. I know that a few paramedics read this site on occasion and I need their help now. E-mail me soon. How many generic aspirins do I need to ingest to cause all of my innerds to explode outwards? Does the Draino thing really work? Can a BB through the eye result in a 10-45 request? If I leap from the top of the City Center building, what are the odds that some garbage piled on the sidewalk might cushion my fall and save my dis-spirited life? I'd leap in front of a city-owned garbage packer, but it'd probably breakdown long before it ran over my troubled soul. Wait! I know. I'll jump off of a bridge, drown, and hope with my last scattered thoughts that the poor bastards forced to take that hovercraft onto the river in an attempt to save me don't perish along with me. Odds are, they will.

Charlie Weis? All of a sudden, something as completely lame as soccer seems like a plan. That is, unless, Charlie somehow manages to lead us to the Super Bowl.

Charlie Weis? The next Bill Parcells?

The football Gods must be crazy.

Or at the very least, the owners of the Jints.

Coach Weis?

I'm in need of some serious tunage right about now.

The Jam is about to start spinning in this nondescript adobe.

How are things in your little world?

Internet weirdo out...

I stole this pic from the F.D.s website