1-13-2004 Bring on the flags

This is the worst betrayal of our country in my lifetime.--Michael Savage, talk radio jock

Savage is definately a bomb thrower and yesterday he went so far as to suggest that Dubya should be impeached for offering his thinly-veiled amnesty program to illegal aliens. I'm not sure that Dubya should be boiled in battery acid for going easy on illegal aliens since there seems to be no shortage of politicians trying to curry favor with the increasing hispanic voting bloc. I do find the entire imbroglio to be somewhat stupifying. No matter how they try to justify going easy on these folks from down under, I cannot get past the word "illegal." If they're here illegally, why are we twisting the laws in an attempt to keep them here? Because they're willing to do the jobs that are considered beneath our level of expertise? Isn't that just special. If I throw a punch at somebody, I could find myself trying to hide extra sheets for the next 6-9 months. Meanwhile, those clueless folks in D.C. and California are offering countless programs and benefits to people that should be handcuffed, driven to the border, and kicked squarely in the ass. With priorities like that, it's no wonder the country's so screwed-up right now.

Oops! I forgot about that new directive from the thought police. Where is it? Oh, here it is. Any person who objects to illegal aliens breaching our borders will from here forward be known as a racist. We must embrace any and all attempts at diversification of the populace, and there will be severe penalties imposed on those who dare to offer any differing opinions on the matter. Besides, our illegals are willing to pick crops. They stay and you will like them. I was wondering, if I quit my job and start picking crops, can I break laws too without being brought to justice for it? Sign me up.

I ruffled some feathers yesterday. From the e-mail inbox:

*******How is hiring minorities a problem? We need the best and brightest no matter what persuasion they are. In case you didn't notice smart guy---WHITE IRISH MEN ran this city into the sh*t. Who did you vote for? Another WHITE IRISH MAN. Maybe you should keep your opinions and your racist tendencies to yourself moron.*******

Yeehaw! I done good. Take a funking chill pill or two and call your physchiatrist in the morning. The hiring of minorities would never be a problem just as long as they were the best available candidates for the job. My entire point yesterday was that there is no need to ask Ron Felton how to fix anything. No matter what the question may be, we already know what the answer will be. He was offered an opportunity to express his opinions on how to make Wilkes-Barre a better place to live. His predictable knee-jerk response offered us nothing. Hire more minorities. And what about this line?

I think he should attend events in the minority community to show he is the mayor of all the people.

What? All of the people? If I stage a community event and the new mayor doesn't attend, does that mean he isn't my mayor? If he skips the first annual Thompson St. French-American StreetFest, should I forever have a chip on my shoulder?

Let's try this. A Times Leader reporter seeks out my opinion. Ready? Mark, in your opinion, what do we need to do to improve the city and secure a brighter future?

Well, I think that the new mayor should hire more French-Americans and attend the events staged by the French-American community to show he is the mayor of all of the people.

You people would be laughing your asses off at that response. So why shouldn't I be laughing at Ron's usual retort? One of the first questions that I asked Tom Leighton way back when was if he was going to clean house and surround himself with only professional and qualified people when he took office. He answered in the affirmative. I didn't ask him to conduct an exhaustive search to attract any folks of French ancestry. I don't give a hoot who he surrounds himself with, provided that they were the best and brightest available. As far as I'm concerned, he did just that. And my oft-repeated suggestion to him as to how to improve Wilkes-Barre was that we needed the city to become a clean, neat, and safe place. I think that advice was a lot more construction than Ron's. If Leighton surrounded himself with only minorities, that'd be just fine with me as long as the city became liveable again. I'm happy to know that I pissed somebody off though.

I just about killed myself today. Wifey told me that we needed milk, so I decided to wander over to Oh Yes. Once out of the adobe, I wandered more than I thought I would and the weather changed so quick, it seemed as if someone had thrown a switch. The wind gusts were trying to remove my Braves cap and the snow started flying. Once at Oh Yes, milk turned into two bags of double-bagged groceries. I found myself at the intersection of Hollenback and N. Washington and a lady sitting in her car waved me across the street. Being a courteous sort, rather than taking my time while crossing the street, I hurried to the other side. As I arrived at the opposite curb, something grabbed ahold of my right foot and the sidewalk was instantly introduced to the side of my face. I was more stunned than injured and a very bad word passed through my lips.

After I convinced the lady in the car that I was okay, I inspected my surroundings trying to figure out what the hell had just happened to me. There's a piece of steel rebar protruding from the concrete curb and pointing toward the street. Holy frig! Judging from the rip in my sneaker, it had slid under the laces and came close to inflicting a few staples on my unsuspecting foot. Being that dozens upon dozens of kids cross that intersection everyday while heading to Dan Flood School, that sucker needs to be attended to. They're gonna need a welding torch to remove it. These walkabouts are getting dangerous.

I've been resisting the urge to post SAYSO snippets here. Even though very many of them are either funny or annoying, the comments of folks who grow a pair only when enjoying complete anonymity really don't deserve being repeated. I had to post this one:

Guys! Guys! Guys! Holy muckity-muck! I was only kidding about throwing everything down the bank. The schedules and routes should be reviewed and the guilty employee should be made to follow Ballou with a shovel for a week.

One of our copper dudes weighed-in on my brother's missing car:

*******Hey Dude,
Sorry to hear about your brothers car trouble. Just thought I would take a moment to maybe clarify something if the KTPD didn't. Unfortunately, they are exactly right. Your brother essentially entered into a contract with Briggs. An exchange of money for a service. Since the service was never provided he must sue Briggs. I know it doesn't seem fair, but unfortunately it is a civil matter.

XXXX XXX*******

Thanks, dude. I hear ya. There are times when smashing eye sockets should be permissable under the law. I received a phone call from our copper dude who investigates stolen cars this morning, so maybe he'll be able to find it eventually. When angry, my brother would frighten Lawrence Taylor, but he's got a big heart and he's way too trusting of people.

This Healing Field idea brought forth by Tony Thomas Jr. and Jim McCarthy has so much potential to draw gigantic crowds, it's mind-boggling. And where did they learn of this? At the League of Cities meeting in Nashville, Tenn. last month. Who wants to be the next fool to get their name in the papers by criticizing these "expensive" junkets that city officials partake of?

I think this one is an opportunity to put Wilkes-Barre smack dab in the middle of the tourism maps. I sent my thoughts on the idea to Jim McCarthy earlier today.

I gotta tell ya, the Healing Field is the best idea for a special event that I've heard yet. With enough advance publicity we could find the city overrun with visitors. Hell, we could find ourselves on CNN as part of a positive story for a change. I just wanted to drop you an electronic pulse and let you know that the idea has my support.

Mark in Nord End*******

And I mean it. I'm already looking forward to the Fine Arts Fiesta, an event that I normally attend, but find to be a tad boring. Nothing against the Fiesta. I'm just not very cultured. But, seeing downtown Wilkes-Barre deluged with visitors would be enough excitement for this less than well-rounded cretin. Let's make this happen.

Be warned. This site includes a couple of boobies and a few salty words, but it's funny as all hell.

I'm not sure why this came to me with a Scranton firefighter's name attached to it, but it is funny.

Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no,"says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?" "She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, starts to rub herself all over him and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?" Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Dave tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book.

The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave."


That's total weirdness. I can't figure it out. What a bitch!

This is freaking addictive. Click on the link, look at the picture, and then refresh the page. Then refresh it again. And again. And again. Then again. And...