1-17-2004 Soccer: The 'One World' Sport

I worry about bringing up a child in America.--Actress (?), Gwyneth Paltrow

There's a new entry for my boycott list. She's been listening to too much Dixie Chicks dribble.

I was up at 3:30 this morning and off on a road trip to Reading by 6:30. I was off to pick-up my new truck. I once asked why everyone else at work seemed to have a pretty truck except moi and I was told that I didn't need a pretty truck just to do the dirty work. Alrighty then! I do the physical job. I suffer the constant nicks, scrapes and strains. I enjoy working in mostly dark places all day long surrounded by wettened debris. Snails have a longer lifespan than my uniforms. I enjoy breathing concrete dust every single day. Being filthy is what I want. I enter places that Wes Craven would have nightmares about. I don't need air conditioning. I can hack it! Bring it on! F**k it! Those other guys are pussies! Who cares! And then lo-and-behold, the gameplan changed. You tell me, man.

So today I traded a 1992 S-10 with 164,000 miles on it for a 2004 S-10 with 29 miles on the odometer and a big-assed AC unit. But wait! There's more! It has an automatic tranny. Sounds like a freakin' deal to me. I guess I'll have to be a good little technician and produce some serious numbers this year. No problemo.

2004 S-10

From the e-mail inbox:

*******I got a kick out of the "Mom's think soccer is safer than football". Well, let me tell you, I've run ambulance calls in Forty Fort since 1986. In that time, I've probably have over 2000 calls under my belt. I can think of two, let me repeat that, two calls that I responded to that involved a mini football player that was hurt during a game. Last spring and summer by comparison, I probably personally responded to at least five calls at the soccer fields for this supposedly "safer" sport. I can recall several other calls that were handled by other crews. Calls ranged from twisted knees and ankles to back and neck pain. So much for being a safer sport

Forty Fort Dude

Please note new email address. AOL sucks*******

Gage and I sat on the dike last Summer and watched a bunch of soccer kiddies have at it. He asked if he could play soccer, but I told him baseball and football were what awaited him. We were pretty far away, but they looked to be between 7 and 9-years old. Being a veteran of the Little League wars, I know that kids that age can be coached to death and still run completely amok as soon as the action starts. As far as I could tell, there were approximately 175 kids or so running to and fro kicking and tripping each other. And the nuclear moms are frightened by the likes of J.P. Meck? You'd be safer as a former mayor being caught out of doors after dark.

As far as the worldwide popularity of soccer is concerned, there's no denying that it's the sport of choice in the far-flung countries dominated by civil war, famine, and Jihad. The European socialists are rabid about it, but with the lone exception being the Germans, the Western Europeans haven't invented anything new and exciting since the sex change operation. The slowly dying experiments in socialism will just have to be content with being mediocre until the crusades are finally revenged. That mediocrity applies to their sport of choice as well.

The popularity of soccer in the Third World countries should not come as a surprise. Why waste perfectly good trees making baseball bats with so many starving people to feed? In Botswana, a hardwood meatloaf goes a long way. And no one in Somalia worth their weight in AK-47 ammo would waste any pig skins, while so many people still need decent clothing. Wasting rubber trees in Haiti to make basketballs is not an option. Those folks need more tires with which to set ablaze and 'necklace' their political opponents. The folks in the Middle East are out, because pucks, in any version, will never slide across the top of hot sand. Besides, they wouldn't want to be caught enjoying anything The Great Satans invented. Then their neighbors would probably be compelled by their peaceful God to decapitate them.

In fact, in the Third World, soccer will always rule for a variety of reasons. First of all, folks that can't understand why genocide is wrong will never be able to memorize an NFL rule book. The folks in those countries need something to occupy the children until they're strong enough to carry and fire an AK-47. They certainly can't afford catcher's masks, shoulder pads, or goal posts, so soccer will have to do. For the popularity of soccer to continue to grow, all that's needed is a soccer ball, and some Peace Corps volunteers willing to clear the killing fields of all of the corpses.

In this country, all that's needed is protective Moms and wishy-washy Dads who wouldn't even protest their son having dyed his hair purple and having driven spikes through his lips and nostrils. Skateboard? Very good. Soccer? That's nice son. Football? Over my dead body. You'll get hurt! Basketball? Nope! Quinn uses the 'F' word. Go play with your Xbox!

In other words, soccer f**king blows, but it's cheap and it's simple and on the surface-it's looks rather safe. And why is it again that we should strive to be more like the rest of the world?

We lost another downtown light standard after someone drove their car through it and into the Sterling. What are the odds? Two in one week?

I'm not about to scan and post someone's obituary, but check the obit in today's papers for the 17-year old Mountain Top girl who unfortunately left us way too early. I have never seen so many accomplishments listed for anyone that met their demise at such a tender age. It's seems that we definately lost one of our best and brightest, only because of some adverse road conditions. They say he works in mysterious ways. The program escapes me, that's for sure.

From the e-mail inbox:

Did you see in the news last week where the A C L U doesn't want any crosses on any Federal property?

Well duh.........

I read all of the accounts of Michael Jackson's circus yesterday and I can only envision two possible reasons for his bizarre behavior. The first thought that comes to mind is that he's so far gone, he's ready for a padded cell right next to Mike Myers.

Or, he's so completely innocent that he's sees the entire charade as a circus and figures why not sh*t all over the proceedings.

Either way, I don't really care, but I am somewhat dismayed to see all of those idiots professing their undying love and talking about all that he has given to the world. He's a singer for Christ's sake! Get a grip, those of you with too much time on your hands.

If he's found guilty, does CNN have the 'Michael Jackson Riots' to look forward to covering?