1-19-2004 Go Jints!

I'm numb. To go through this again, the pain is intense.--Cory Simon, Philthydumpia Eagle

I guess.

That was one mighty thud we heard last night. And I thought being a Giants fan this year was about as bad as things could get. We can't even compare what the Eagles have done to the Buffalo Bills four consecutive Super Bowl losses. At least the Bills got to the big dance.

My brother and I discussed yesterday's NFC Championship game at length on Friday night and he was dreading having to watch the much despised Eagles in the Super Bowl two weeks from now. I told him that I didn't think they would beat the Panthers and he was stunned. He then repeated all of the logic coming from the ESPN talking heads. The Eagles have been to this game twice already and now know what it takes to get to the next level. Really? If they know what it takes, then why the heck didn't they do it last year? The Panthers are scrappy over-achievers? Any team with a rugged defense, a good pass rush, and a consistent running game are legitimate contenders come playoff time. Their quarterback is a generic nobody? Did the Ravens not win a Super Bowl with Trent Dilfer taking the snaps and then throwing the ball into the turf for three hours? It all sounds to me as if some people were committing the unspeakable NFL sin of looking past the next opponent. I'll never pretend to be the ultimate NFL prognosticator, but I had a bad feeling about the Eagles chances in this particular scenario. And I've got an even worse feeling about their chances next year, assuming that they'll be able to scrape themselves off of their locker room floor after such a crushing loss.

My brother was hesitant to believe that the Eagles could actually lose this game and I took him to NFL.com and conjured up the results of the Eagles' games for the entire season. They beat four teams with a winning record (Cowboys, Panthers, Dolphins, Packers) and they beat eight doormats. They blew-out the Redskins and the Giants once each, but every other game they played were extremely close games, in many of which the Eagles were forced to come from behind to win. I also pointed out that Donovan McNabb has taken a beating all year. Ray responded by saying that McNabb kept making great plays in spite of the lack of protection. So, when do the miracles run out? Be honest, that Fourth-and-26 reception last week was a freaking miracle. Without that gift from the NFL gods, the Panthers would have been banging heads with the Packers yesterday. Plus, the Eagles' defense cannot stop the run, yet, the Packers seemed hesitant to run the ball last week. In my mind, the Packers cut them a big break. If this was supposed to be a team of destiny, I wasn't seeing it.

I know I'm not supposed to get satisfaction from other people's misery, but this is football, and I'm as happy as a terrorist taking receipt of some military-grade C-4 right now. Yep, the Jints went 4-and-12 and their coach was fired. Yep, we stunk it up for 17 weeks. Yep, it was an ugly and painful thing to have to endure. But after it all played out, it was a helluva lot less painful than losing three consecutive NFC Championship games, two of them at home no less. The Jints have a new coach and nowhere to go but up, while the Eagles are facing the long slow decent back to the mediocrity from which they came.

And is Andy Reid really a great coach? We'll see about that after that division gets a healthy dose of Bill Parcells, Joe Gibbs, and Tom Coughlin. Face it Eagles fans, you had your fun while the rest of the division was in a funk, but the proven coaches are joining the fray now, and your beloved birds are headed South again.

McNabb will continue to make the highlight reels, and he'll continue to put up some impressive running statistics, but if you remember correctly, quarterbacks normally get paid to complete passes, not run for their f**king lives. I knew on the day they drafted McNabb that they had made a mistake they'd have to live with for years to come. Basically, the Eagles swapped a wide receiver/running back (Randall Cunningham) posing as a quarterback for a tight end/running back posing as a quarterback. You can have your strong-armed quarterbacks that can run like hell. I still prefer a strong-armed quarterback that can read the defenses and react to them.

And if any of that does not approach the level of being fighting words, let me say this: The Eagles suck!

Go Jints!

Thompson Streeters

Whoops! I copied this from Townhall.com, but the name of the author escapes me now.

So I'd say Howard Dean is a sane man pretending to be crazy. Whereas General Clark gives every indication of a crazy man pretending to be sane.

Now I'm not talking about things like this screwy response to a question from MSNBC's Chris Matthews. The general had indicated he wished Osama bin Laden to be tried at the Hague and sentenced to life in prison. "But," asked Matthews, "doesn't life in Holland beat life in a cave?"

"Not in a Dutch prison, Chris," said Clark. "They're under water, they're damp, they're cold. They're really miserable."

Dutch prisons are under water? Good thing Clark's not as dumb as Bush or Quayle, eh?

Hose Babe

This is a hoot. Well, maybe not for the Eagles fans that didn't commit suicide yet. From the e-mail inbox:


@ +70 degrees Texans turn on the heat and unpack the thermal underwear. People in Pennsylvania go swimming in the Rivers

@ +60 degrees North Carolinians try to turn on the heat. People in Pennsylvania plant gardens.

@ +50 degrees Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in Pennsylvania sunbathe.

@ +40 degrees Italian & English cars won't start. People in Pennsylvania drive with the windows down.

@ +32 degrees Distilled water freezes. Susquehanna river water gets thicker.

@ +20 degrees Floridians wear coats, thermal underwear, gloves, & woolly hats. People in Pennsylvania throw on a flannel shirt.

@ +15 degrees Virginia landlords finally turn up the heat People in Pennsylvania have the last cookout before it gets cold.

@ +10 degrees People in Miami all die... Hazleton Area High School students lick the flagpole.

@ -20 degrees Californians fly away to Mexico. People in Pennsylvania get out their winter coats.

@ -40 degrees Hollywood disintegrates. The Girl Scouts in Pennsylvania are selling cookies door to door.

@ -60 degrees Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic. Pennsylvania Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough.

@ -80 degrees Mt. St. Helens freezes. People in Pennsylvania rent some videos.

@ -100 degrees Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Penn State students get frustrated because they can't thaw the keg.

@ -297 degrees Microbial life no longer survives on dairy products. Cows in Pennsylvania complain about farmers with cold hands.

@ -460 degrees ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero in the Kelvin scale). People in Pennsylvania start saying, "cold enough for ya?"

@ -500 degrees Hell freezes over. The Eagles win a Superbowl.

Mass Quantities

Another thought provoker from the e-mail inbox:


As you walk up the steps to the Capitol Building which houses the Supreme Court you can see near the top of the building a row of the world's law givers and each one is facing one in the middle who is facing forward with a full frontal view - it is Moses and the Ten Commandments!

As you enter the Supreme Court courtroom, the two huge oak doors have the Ten Commandments engraved on each lower portion of each door.

As you sit inside the courtroom, you can see the wall, right above where the Supreme Court judges sit, a display of the Ten Commandments!

There are Bible verses etched in stone all over the Federal Buildings and Monuments in Washington, D.C.

James Madison, the fourth president, known as "The Father of Our Constitution" made the following statement "We have staked the whole of all our political institutions upon the capacity of mankind for self-government, upon the capacity of each and all of us to govern ourselves, to control ourselves, to sustain ourselves according to the Ten Commandments of God." Patrick Henry, that patriot and Founding Father of our country said, "It cannot be emphasized too strongly or too often that this great nation was founded not by religionists but by Christians, not on religions but on the Gospel of Jesus Christ".

Every session of Congress begins with a prayer by a paid preacher, whose salary has been paid by the taxpayer since 1777.

Fifty-two of the 55 founders of the Constitution were members of the Established orthodox churches in the colonies.

Thomas Jefferson worried that the Courts would overstep their authority and instead of interpreting the law would begin making law....an oligarchy....the rule of few over many.

The very first Supreme Court Justice, John Jay, said, "Americans should select and prefer Christians as their rulers."

How, then, have we gotten to the point that everything we have done for 220 years in this country is now suddenly wrong and unconstitutional?


How did we to this point? How many times do I have to repeat myself? Buy and read "The Naked Communist."

Later Jints fans.

Hee! Hee!