2-2-2004 Paul Tag-a-boob

We were extremely disappointed by elements of the MTV-produced halftime show. They were totally inconsistent with assurances our office was given about the content of the show. It's unlikely that MTV will produce another Super Bowl halftime.--Joe Browne, NFL executive vice president


This post includes one naked boobie and a link to a close-up of that very same boobie. Don't blame me if your kid is spying over your shoulder and asks you why mommy doesn't have any of those. You have been warned.

I would like to officially thank the good folks at CBS for inflicting that MTV bilge upon all of us. What were they thinking? What is the target audience of your average Super Bowl broadcast? Seventeen year-olds? And what's up with these rappers already? Should the ability to babble incoherently and play with one's genitals guarantee anyone a place in the Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame? And where once female performers went out of their way to look like sluts, now they act like sluts. And Justin Timberlake? Jimmy Page he ain't! Christ! Even the 1910 Fruitgum Company could read music and compose their own music.

The show included:

Janet Jackson grabbing her breasts;
Sean P. Diddy repeatedly fondling his crotch;
striptease cheerleaders;
gyrating transvestites;
simulated lesbian sex;
Jackson and Timberlake groping each other.
And last, but certainly not least, Justin exposing Janet's boob on national television.

And we're wondering why many teenagers feel deprived if they haven't attended a few bi-sexual orgies by the time their sixteenth birthdays arrive. The MTV-produced halftime show was a display of folks with no real talent and an obvious propensity for playing with themselves or others. And the recording industry can't figure out why it's sales are down?

And what was the NFL expecting from the folks at MTV? A wholesome, family-oriented halftime show? Has anyone from the NFL heirarchy ever watched MTV? MTV's over-riding message to our kids is to get naked as often as possible during spring break and experiment sexually as often as possible. While the NFL was showcasing the best that it had to offer, MTV offered us the worst that society has to offer. And we wonder why so many are willing to martyr themselves to kill as many of us as possible.

I'm pissed at the lot of them. Last night I watched one of the best Super Bowls in years, but found myself somewhat annoyed afterwards. I wish that the CBS cameras showed us the Riverdancing streaker instead of the halftime show. He may be an asshole, but at least he's not trying to pass off his stripping prowess as some sort of musical talent. Enough on that piss-poor display of trash imitating talent. We wanted entertainment as we watched side-by-side with our kids, but instead, we were offered exposed mammalian protruberances.


The Jacksons' are on a roll.

BUT...the game was awesome. I came close to nailing that final score, kiddies. 32-29 versus 29-26. While the Panthers seemed to be stumbling along with four possessions and something like zero yards gained, you could see that John Fox was going to stick with his gameplan no matter what and showed no sign of panic. As it turned out, neither did his team. Thanks to their defense, they weren't forced out of their gameplan early on. And then somebody flipped a switch. The two teams traded blows for 27 minutes without scoring a point and then the offenses went berzerk with three minutes remaining before the halftime orgy. You just knew the second half was going to provide further fireworks.

The second half was an exciting tit-for-tat affair, but I will admit to suffering a horrible flashback when John Kasay kicked the ball out of bounds at the most inopportune moment possible. An eerily similar ill-timed kick many, many weeks before sent the Jints' season reeling out of control and also propelled the confidence-starved Cowboys on to a great season. The only good thing that that kick set in motion so many weeks ago is the fact that the Jints own the fourth pick in the draft and now have an improved coaching staff. As far as I'm concerned, my prediction was right on the mark. Bill Belichick is a great coach and Tom Brady is the real deal. Remove either one of them from the equation last night and the Panthers are the Super Bowl champs.

My brother asked me a while back why the Jints defense seemed to have lost it's usual intensity this season. The answer was obvious. Our former defensive coordinator, John Fox, had accepted the Panthers head coaching position. And last night, he went head-to-head with another ex-Jints defensive coordinator. In conclusion, I would like to point out that last night's game was excellent and exciting until the very end only because a bunch of ex-Jints were involved. How's that for a spin? GO JINTS!

And the Super Bowl MVP?

That's too easy. Kid Rock. He kept both hands on his guitar and never once reached for his crotch. What discipline?

Forget all of my bullspit. Let's conjure one up from the e-mail inbox:

*******Hi Mark. Hope you enjoyed the game. I thought it was a fix, came close to being the first overtime game, didn't cover the spread, and went from a tough, grinding, boring game to a scorefest in the matter of three minutes(did the teams actually make that good of adjustments while on the side lines).

There were five scores all before the second half; three touchdowns, a field goal, and Justin Timberlake's.

It was a great game anyways. This is the first year I could remember jumping up out of my seat after teams scored( I was pulling for the Panthers). I was praying Vinitari would miss that field goal!

I just wanted to give you a heads up; the NFL announced a new commissioner after the game. The NFL gods wanted to keep the fans interested in the game. You know, keep them coming back. The gods wanted better touchdown celebrations and sack dances. Keep individuality as strong as it could be. The new commissioner's name is Paul Tag-a-boob.*******

You freakin' dork! You had me going when I first read this e-mail. A new commish? I was wondering how the heck I managed to miss that being announced after the game. I didn't drink that much trendy liquid amusement aid, did I? Paul Tag-a-boob!?! I hope we haven't lowered the bar to any great degree. I wanna argue about great hits, late cheap shots, or perfect passes 50 yards down the field, not which Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader exposed the most fur on the sidelines.

Enough with this Punt, Pass, and Grope competition. Let's do another e-mail:

*******Mark, I read your comments on the new 2004 budget and it was like you took the words out of my mouth. We all want to get Wilkes-Barre back to be the best city it has ever been. Whatever increases Mayor Leighton feels is necessary I'm sure most of the taxpayers will agree with if they truly want to get us out of the disaster we are now in. We are all willing to do our part. but why, why, why would he include pay increases for himself, council and other top administration personnel when he is asking the rest of us to sacrifice including those whom he wants to contribute towards their health benefits. You are right, this will have people screeming and complaining now because the timing of these increases is absolutely discusting. People will be willing to cooperate but the sacrifice has to come from the top first. If this budget is approved by council shame on them. I think everyone is looking forward to a new attitude among our city officials but this definitely disappointed me when I read it.********

I hear ya'. Disappointment accurately describes what I felt when I read about the proposed salary increases for everyone near the top of the political pecking order. I supported Tom Leighton, I believe in Tom Leighton, but I cannot even attempt to justify raises for those demanding give-backs from the much lower paid folks and asking the residents to shoulder an increased monetary burden. I simply cannot. There's just no way and if I was given an opportunity to debate the merits of these proposed raises with him, I seriously doubt that he could convince me that they are necessary, or even politically expedient.

I caught this little ditty in the Voice story about the proposed budget this morning:

For example, Kane and McGinley pointed out Leighton has eliminated car allowances from every department, including elected officials.

Including elected officials? Hmmm. What does that amount to? Are our council folks willing to do without their $85 per month travel stipend? If so, that doesn't go far enough. It just doesn't. If we're asking city employees to suddenly pay for 30% of their health insurance while earning $36,000 a year and trying to secure financial aid for their kids college education as all of us do without much success, how in the hell can we justify any salary increases for the elected folks who's kids will only attend the best colleges? We're not delving into class envy here, we're just stating things as they actually are. If anyone at City Hall that has ever recieved a vote wants to claim that they need a salary increase, they are inviting nothing but scorn and hard feelings from many of the folks that supported their latest reelection campaigns.

And some of you mistakenly said that I would be reluctant to offer my opinion after Tom Leighton finally took his oath of office. I still support his initiatives and I can't wait to see what's next, but that doesn't mean that I'm going along for the ride with blinders firmly attached to my face. And I seriously doubt that he would ever react badly to having his actions closely scrutinized. He's been open and honest with us so far, and I'm sure he'd enjoy explaining to me why I am way off-base with my opinion of things as they currently stand. For the first time in a long time, we have a Mayor rather than a clueless and ruthless tyrant. I'm not expecting any retribution, I'm expecting an alternate opinion.

The adults can handle some scrutiny without freaking out. And it's a welcome change of pace in this city.

Should we spend billions upon billions to further explore the heavens while so many of us are down on our luck, playing with our X-Box, and waiting for increased income redistribution?

This is as old as Manny Gordon, but I'm going to post it while the agenda-driven scurf-balls at MTV continue to further assault our society and what makes it the best place to call home on this entire planet. Gage's Grammie in Allentown sent this along via e-mail.

Andy Rooney said on 60 minutes a few weeks back: (for those of you that don't know Andy Rooney, he is a 82 year old US TV commentator.)

I like big cars, big boats, big motorcycles, big houses and big campfires. I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some governmental stooge with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts for squirting out babies.

Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.

I believe they are called the Boy Scouts for a reason, that is why there are no girls allowed. Girls belong in the Girl Scouts!

I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia, it is an opinion.

I don't think being a minority makes you a victim of anything except numbers. The only things I can think of that are truly discriminatory are things like the United Negro College Fund, Jet Magazine, Black Entertainment Television, and Miss Black America. Try to have things like the United Caucasian College Fund, Cloud Magazine, White Entertainment Television, or Miss White America; and see what happens. Jesse Jackson will be knocking down your door.

I have the right "NOT" to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird, or tick me off.

When 70% of the people who get arrested are black, in cities where 70% of the population is black, that is not racial profiling, it is the Law of Probability.

I know what sex is, and there are not varying degrees of it. If I received sex from one of my subordinates in my office, it wouldn't be a private matter or my personal business. I would be "FIRED" immediately!

I believe that if you are selling me a milk shake, a pack of cigarettes, a newspaper or a hotel room, you must do it in English!

As a matter of fact, if you want to be an American citizen, you should have to speak English!

My father and grandfather didn't die in vain so you could leave the countries you were born in to come over and disrespect ours. I think the police should have every right to shoot your sorry self if you threaten them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word "freeze" or "stop" in English, see the above lines.

I feel much safer letting a machine with no political affiliation recount votes when needed. I know what the definition of lying is.

I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you are qualified for any special loan programs, government sponsored bank loans or tax breaks, etc., so you can open a hotel, coffee shop, trinket store, or any other business.

We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives in wars to defend their freedoms, so that decades later they could come over here and tell us our constitution is a living document; and open to their interpretations.

I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor. I know pro wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television. That doesn't stop you from watching them.

I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the next operating system that's better, and put your name on the building. Ask your buddy that invented the Internet to help you.

It doesn't take a whole village to raise a child right, but it does take a parent to stand up to the kid; and smack their little behinds when necessary, and say "NO!"

"I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement. And, please, stay home until that new lip ring heals. I don't want to look at your ugly infected mouth as you serve me fries!

I am sick of "Political Correctness." I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa; so how can they be "African-Americans"? Besides, Africa is a continent. I don't go around saying I am a European-American because my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was from Europe. I am proud to be from America and nowhere else.

If you don't like my point of view... tough. DON'T PASS IT ON!!

Have a nice day and be good


What do ya' think? Cheap Trick at next year's Super Bowl halftime show?

"I want you to want me," in place of I want you to expose my surgically-enhanced tittie?

Count me in.