2-16-2004 Pastricide?

I flew fighters when I was in the Guard, and I like speed. It would've been fun to drive up on these banks. ... I'd like to, but I'm afraid the agents wouldn't let me.--Dubya, at the Daytona 500

The Daytona 500 was a good one. In this adobe, yesterday was race day. No Wilkes-Barre. No internet. No web site. Just "Gentlemen, start your engines." The media claimed Dubya was trolling for votes from "NASCAR Dads." NASCAR Dads. I like that. Anybody catch what Richard Petty had to say? Something to the effect of "Ya won't find any dadgum Democrats in these garages." I love it. I can't believe Kevin Harvick didn't even flinch early on when Mark Martin's engine came spewing out of his tailpape and blowing directly at Harvick's windshield.

The Young Guns continue to dominate the Good Ole Boys though. Check that top ten. And how about a rookie, Scott Wimmer, finishing third at the big race? He even challenged for the lead late in the race, but the vets wouldn't give him any drafting help. Junior ended up at Victory Lane and Harvick took a respectable fourth place. It was a good day for the Earnhardt clan, with the one exception being Michael Waltrip's wild crash.

No, Sterling Marlin didn't end up sliding on his roof, but he did get collected in a big crash. Close enough. I didn't understand his whining when interviewed afterwards. Some rookies got three wide, started crunchin' each other's doors, amd all hell broke loose. Then Sterling starts yapping on and on about the spoiler heights being too high and NASCAR needing to change the rules to correct that situation. Huh?

How about the pre-game show consisting of country bumpkin performers? No nudity. No crotch grabbing. No bump-and-grinds. No same-sex kisses. And patriotic music to boot. How completely out of tune with the times is that? I think the singing of "God Bless the U.N." would have been much more appropriate, being that we're supposedly an out-of-control superpower. Although, I don't think Lee Ann Rhimes was wearing a bra. But even if somebody yanked part of it away, we would have needed very expensive binoculars to see anything. Stacked she ain't.

And last but not least, the Viagra car lasted a measly 7 laps. LOFL.

According to WorldNetDaily, John Kerry's supposed sweet thing has done a tell-all interview with a major television outlet. This ought to be interesting. He already went on the record by saying "There's nothing to report" when asked about this journo-babe. So, if this interview is televised, he's left with two choices. He either calls her a liar, or admits that he lied. Or how about charging that Dubya was AWOL during his Harvard days? Yeah. That'll work. Let's see those frat house attendance records.

I did not have sex with that woman. But she did cause me to ejaculate.

The journo-babe even has a web site offering link after link to news reports of her sudden stardom. Alex Polier Links

From the e-mail inbox:

*******I hate to even get involved in this subject but I have to point out that you are wrong in thinking that the administration is still the same as before. Jim Hayward, Shannon Hayward, Gerry Ryan, Gerry McGroarty, Joyce Fiorucci, and Tony George were all fired. Edie Williams was demoted from her position. Jay Delaney and Don Fiorucci were demoted also 2 line chiefs will be demoted to privates. Creeks 1 and 2 also got a pay cut. Go down to city hall and ask anyone there how the feeling is with the elimination of jobs there and the on going job rebidding. Just wanted to make you aware of it, your article with the poor witchhunt is lacking alittle information just wanted to bring you up to speed. Wanted to keep you factual, that's all.*******

I hear's ya. In all honesty, I would prefer to not debate the firing, or demotion of anyone. And no, I didn't forget about the folks you mentioned. But to say that everyone connected to the previous administration was fired, or demoted is not accurate. After seeing what the previous management did to this city, I honestly expected the turnover among department heads, and some of the shirt-and-tie types at City Hall to be much, much higher than it turned out to be. I really did.

When it comes down to it, while being demoted sucks, it sure beats being let go entirely. As I previously stated, I don't know what's going on with the fire department reorganization, but the fire department has not exactly been an apolitical outfit for a few years now. I've heard so many stories about McG passing over people for promotions, I don't know where the truth of the matter lies. But as I also pointed out, if there was no wiggle room for politicos when handing out promotions, there would be less bad feelings as a result. Did McG promote the right people? Will Leighton? I guess that remains to be seen, but it sure as hell depends on who you might ask.

Leighton has accepted a rather weighty challenge. We elected him with the understanding that he was going to turn this city around, and get it where it needs to be. It's his ass swinging in the breeze and therefore he should be surrounding himself with nothing but the best people. I don't believe that any of us expected no personnel changes after he took office, and it would have been unrealistic to expect that everyone involved would be pleased when they did come about. It has to be tough to have supported a candidate and then have that same candidate downsize your rank, or your paycheck, and I wouldn't know what to say to anyone put in that position.

We voted for change and change has certainly arrived. And so has some grumbling. That was probably inevitable, but I'm hoping to see "politics as usual" replaced with doing what's needed to achieve some progress. I want to see nothing but the best and brightest folks climbing the city's ladder. Who those folks are exactly is surely open to debate, but I have no control over any of those decisions, and as a resident, all that I can do is to allow some time to pass and judge Tom Leighton on the results of his actions. So far, the empirical evidence suggests that he's not on a witchhunt.

Even though this e-mail came to me listed as "Not for Publication," I had to post a snippet from it as a public service to my fellow residents:

Two things........First, an eclaire? You'll be in deep buster, it's called "PASTRICIDE" and we take that stuff very serious. LOFL.*******

And there it is. Attacking a police officer with an eclaire is considered a very serious offense afterall. Squishing anything gooey in their briefs is not advisable. You have been warned.

The Emergency Command Post. Hmmm. This thing's got more antennaes on it than The White House, or your standard Cold War era missile silo. It probable has more than NORAD's Mt. NukeEmAll.

Emergency Muck-a-Truck

I stayed up the other night and watched Contact, starring Jodie Foster. I do love my sci-fi. Is Jodie Foster's face the template that was used to surgically enhance Michael Jackson's face? If she threw on a black wig and a silver glove-I don't think we'd be able to tell them apart. I could be wrong.

I also happened upon some putrid Howard Stern show on Channel 55 (?) where male contestants have to beg some anorexic chick with basketball-sized boobs for a date. I don't listen to Stern, and I have not seen him for years. Is it just me, or has he become even scarier looking than Ian Hunter?

Whatever. It could have been worse. Somebody could have broken in here and forced me at gunpoint to watch an episode of Seinfeld.

Another e-mail:

*******Mark, Thanks for the XXXXX XXXXX plug. We appreciate it. We really need all the residents to pull together and get this city back on it's feet. We also have to make the landlords responsible for the tenants they rent to. Thanks, XXXX*******

The tenants. I went on a lengthy walkabout a few days ago. I kept encountering sidewalks that were never shoveled in front of multi-tenant apartment buildings. Talk about freakin' lazy. With the average number of rental units in these buildings being around four, wouldn't you think that one of the tenants would make an effort to make the sidewalks somewhat passable? We should all start flopping on these sidewalks and calling ambulances. Then sue the piss out of the property owners and then see if they're suddenly concerned about those sidewalks. Sadly, the owners of some of our commercial properties are just as guilty. You'd think they'd be a bit more legally astute.

The Blum Brothers and the Empire Beauty School buildings are about to change hands? That's encouraging. No sense aquiring them and then allowing them to rot, heyna? I caught the comments in the Leader from Jeff Ferro, a big gun from Parente Randolph:

Downtown Wilkes-Barre has been a mecca for business, cultural and social activity and to give up on it would be foolish.


A big ole Penske 26-foot straight job rolled up Thompson Street yesterday afternoon and, lo-and-behold, we've got some new neighbors. A young couple no less. An infusion of some young blood. Get this: they look normal too. No vampires this time. Wait 'til they find out a big-assed Block Party is scheduled to go down right in front of their new home. Hee! Hee!

Early August. Clear your schedules. Remember, no rap, no hip-hop, and very little country music will be allowed. I have spoken.