2-22-2004 The 'Puters are coming! The 'Puters are coming!

After careful thought and my desire to retire our supremely selected president, I've decided to run as an independent candidate for president.--Ralph Nader, on "Meet the Press" this morning

"Supremely selected president." Yeehaw!!! That's exactly the type of irresponsible rhetoric that will clearly resonate with the "I hate Bushies" currently frothing at the mouth. John Kerry has a big, big problem.

As the Green Party's champion in 2000, Nader appeared on the ballot in 43 states and Washington, D.C., garnering a pitiful 2.7 percent of the vote. But in Florida and New Hampshire, Dubya won such narrow victories that had Gore received the bulk of Nader's votes in those states, he would have won the election and led us off to his version of a socialist utopia.

So Nader has tossed his hat into the ring and he too hates Bush. He's the wild card the Dems abhore. They loved wild cards when Ross Perot was siphoning votes from Dubya's dad and Viagra Bob, but now they are against third party candidates entering the fray. The Dems need to coerce this guy into dropping out of the race before the votes are cast. How might they accomplish that? Money? A new McClain/Feingold bill that further tinkers with the process? A book depository building?

How about this nonsense from NewsMax.com:

Democratic presidential front-runner John Kerry challenged President Bush on Saturday to a debate over Vietnam; a move that may force the Bush campaign to respond by focusing on the Massachusetts Democrat's anti-war alliance with "Hanoi" Jane Fonda.

Yeah. That'll help. We've got loonies hoping to one day topple the Sears Tower, but Kerry wants to debate the Vietnam war. We're currently at war, but a debate about a past war is needed? Hell! I'll substitute for Dubya if he smartly declines the offer.

Internet Boob: "Mr. Kerry, is it not true that you accused your fellow soldiers of being baby killers before Congress?"

Senator Boob: "No. That's not true. What I said was..."

Internet Boob: "Excuse me for interupting, but I have the text of your comments in my hand, sir."

He doesn't want to debate the war and he knows it'll never happen. But the challenge itself and Dubya's subsequent declining of the offer will be further proof (?) to the "I hate Bushies" that Dubya is a liar, etc., etc., etc.

So. We're going to computerize City Hall whether grant monies are available or not. It's about gosh darn time, ain't it? We've got twelve year-old kids hacking the Pentagon's web site, but at City Hall, a Radio Shack pocket calculator is considered the latest high-tech gadgetry. A hopeless computer geek could probably start a global nuclear war if they set their mind to it, but in Wilkes-Barre, we can't even send an e-mail to our mayor.

I've heard lots of folks say they'd like to see our council meetings televised much like they are in Scranton. I agree. That would be awesome. Many have suggested that the kids at Wilkes should televise the meetings on their TV channel. That's asking alot of the kids, when the folks requesting that they volunteer their time can't even motivate themselves to attend two meetings a month.

There is another alternative available to us and no one would have to volunteer their time to make it happen. If and when the city gets hooked into the internet, council meetings could be broadcast by way of a web cam. All we'd need is a cheap computer, a web cam, and a microphone. And if the folks at City Hall are clueless as to how to make that happen, I am volunteering my expertise as of right now.

Live from City Hall! It's Thursday night!!!

If a group of naked college chicks in Florida can pull it off, so can we. No, this doesn't mean that council should hire a make-up artist at taxpayer expense.

I've been told by a few of you good folks not to pay much attention to the dolts that call SAYSO, but this is absolutely mind-boggling. The scatter-brained I HATE BUSH folks are now rooting for Bin Laden???

We'd prefer to allow Bin Laden an extra nine months to plan our sudden and painful demise rather than have Dubya re-elected? The man who promised to destroy America is now somewhat tolerable, but the man who staked his political career on his promise to defend America from murderous terrorists is anathema? That's a deluded and frightening thought process, assuming there's any actual thought involved.

I don't want to rain on the mostly ignorant and shameful "I hate Bush" parade, but try sucking on this:

Bin Laden 'surrounded'

The sooner this mass murderer gets captured, or turned into a monkey meat sandwich, the better off the entire world will be. We clamor for George Banks' execution, but we're hoping Osama avoids capture?

Don't sweat it. Jesus is coming on Wednesday.

Rutro! The "Dare to Care" folks just won't go away. If you have an interest in any properties near Wyoming street, you had better police up your extra frags and ammo. From the e-mail inbox:

*******It's been pretty nice weather lately to be taking pictures in the neighborhood. Take a look at our local dumpster (AKA former camper). Cute little camper??? Not so says "Dare to Care".

Located in the area of Wyoming and Beaumont Streets, it has been overloaded with what appears to be remodeling garbage. Notice the numerous toilets - there's about three of them in there. This "dumpster" has been at this location for several weeks and frankly we've been more than patient waiting for it to be taken care of.

So you are on notice, License plate number (PA) XN-89330, at February 23rd's Crime Watch meeting, this picture will be presented to Capt. Riemensnyder with our request to have this "crapper" removed from the street. It may have a valid license plate, but frankly that shouldn't matter since it has been at the same location for more than 3 weeks. It is even equipped by blocks to keep it from moving. Obviously the owner doesn't intend to move it anywhere soon. Let us help you out with that!!!!!

By the way, do you have a permit to be doing remodeling work? Is it being done at 98-100 Wyoming Street? We sure didn't see a permit in any of the windows in that area. We suggest that you get one by Monday morning, since we shall be making some calls to City Hall starting Monday.

"DARE TO CARE" strikes again!!!!!!!!*******

From the e-mail inbox. A tale of two testicles.

*******An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.

After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.

The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, "$165,000". The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman replied that she made bets.

The president was surprised and asked, "What kind of bets?" The elderly woman replied, "Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square."

The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that. The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, "Would you like to take my bet?" "Certainly", replied the president. "I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square." "Done", the elderly woman answered. "But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness."

"No problem", said the president of the Bank confidently.

That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.

The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square.

The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.

The president was happy to oblige.

The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them. "Of course", said the president. "Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure."

The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, "Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Bank of Canada!"*******

Please don't try this at home, kiddies.

That pic also came to me by way of the e-mail inbox and I wouldn't try that at home either.

I never understood why Thom Greco wanted those two smokestacks at the Steam Heat property left intact. They never looked too healthy to me, but I'm no structural engineer. I pedal past those stacks quite often, and a while back, I noticed that the one closest to Penn ave. was coming unglued at the top. Then, three chunks of concrete larger than my bike helmet came hurdling down to Earth. I posted pics of those meteorites, but no one seemed too worried about it. Now, that stack is splitting in two from the top down. And for the first time, the sunlight beams through that ever widening fault line. It may not happen this week, and it may not happen by summer, but sooner or later, a gigantic chunk of that stack is coming down. No one else may have noticed, but my advice to y'all is to stay far, far away from that impending collapse.

I doubt that many Coughlin students visit this site, but they do use that property as a shortcut five days a week. Wish 'em luck.

No takers at all on which LP had the words To Be Played At Maximum Volume on the album cover? I am disappointed, but I'm most disappointed with Sue Henry. I thought she'd be all over that one.

I have to provide another hint? Jeez! Here goes:

Time takes a cigarette...

You folks are definately not up for some "Ruts The Crack" trivia.

How about an easy one, since it's become obvious that you folks can't hang with me? Who recorded "The Goo Goo Muck?" Who played guitar on the first Police album? Who did Nicky Headon replace on drums? Who is Bob Ezrin? Who played lead guitar from backstage when Glen Buxton was too wrecked to know that he wasn't playing lead guitar during the Billion Dollar Babies tour?

Come on! Lock horns with the master.

To Be Played At Maximum Volume

Words of wisdom. A moment of silence, please.

If it ain't loud, it ain't worth a f**k.