4-22-2006 They wouldn’t touch me with a ten-foot pole


I am to unlimited adrenaline what road-killed wild animals are to being extremely unlucky. And when I get to talking about being physically whipped, no adjectives should be necessary to pound home the point that I am frickin’ whipped. It’s been a rugged workweek and as they so often say, impairment starts with the first drink. Bring it on!

The citywide clean-up scheduled for today was been cancelled due to the typhoon that is rapidly headed our way. It’ll happen on Saturday, May 6 instead. It’s just as well. I’m too pooped to sweep up anyone‘s wayward recyclables. I think.

I found this at NewsMax.com:

2008 presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton is celebrating Earth Day by unveiling her new energy plan and by blaming President Bush's environmental policies for Hurricane Katrina. In a fundraising email sent out to donors on Thursday, Mrs. Clinton alleges:

"In the last five years, the Bush administration has left no major environmental law untouched in their push to deregulate, undermining or rolling back decades of regulations put in place to protect our heath.

"The results are all around us," she says, citing "more greenhouse gases, global warming, rising seas, more violent storms like Katrina."

She also blames Bush for "the endless demand for higher-priced oil [that] is depleting world supplies [and] weakening our economic security."

In five-plus years…and all by his lonesome…Dubya has destroyed the planet for all mankind?

She’s funny. Oh, and a pathetic excuse for a bald-faced liar. Say what you want about Bush, but is this the very best the Democrats have to offer in ‘08? Weak, man. Very, very weak.

She’s funny.

And comically sad.

From The York Daily record:

River off list; still troubled

Still though, according to our local congressman, if we dam it…they will come. Yeah, and genital warts are really, really, really cool.

(???)

From the e-mail inbox Hi Mark, that field on the blvd. was Morgan B. Field. It pretty much sucked way back before McJerkoff hacked off right field. Im sure something could have been done to prevent all those pass balls at first base into traffic on the blvd. and its bad condition but it wasnt. Just other scar from the jerk off era!! C.S.I. could still find my DNA or what not from sliding at Morgan B.

Former N.E. Dude

From the e-mail inbox Mark,
That was Morgan B. Williams field.

Bill U

Bingo! Thanx. I’m telling you, I could not remember the name of that field no matter how hard I tried. Many moons ago, I played a game there as part of a traveling restaurant league. Well, all of the restaurants on Kidder Street formed their own softball league and we kind of traveled until we found an available field on which to do battle. Not as organized as it originally sounded, right? That was back before soccer, videogames and obesity became the rage for the youngest of folks, so fields were hard to come by then.

Anywho, we started this game by smacking the cover off the ball right from the get-go. I got on base, got cycled around the bases and celebrated the run I was scoring by sliding head-first and shirtless across home plate. The catcher standing nearby had something derogatory to say under his breath in response to my needless display of machismo, so I immediately got in his face and jibber jabbered just a tad. He looked me right in the eye and said “Look down, ass-wipe.” Being caught completely off guard by his response, I glanced down only to find a hunk of green bottle glass the size of Apollo 11 protruding from the center of my chest and blood streaming out of where my sternum used to be at an alarming rate. And being the idiot that I am, I yanked the glass out of my chest and carried on as if I had just won the World Series with my efforts. And if that’s not stupid enough, I pulled the same stunt a bit later in the game and invited that very same catcher to abandon the effeminate routine and become a man just like me. He was quickly restrained by his teammates.

And my point? I dunno. I like theatrics, I’m an idiot and untreated gaping wounds in the middle of one’s chest will be forced by gravity to dye your underwear a permanent shade of red. Oh, and electrical tape is not your best option when tending to profusely bleeding wounds.

So who’s going to remove those tires?


The good guys ride bicycles, too.

The Times Leader‘s editorial board published the results of two more interviews with prospective replacements for Kevin Blaum in our beloved 121st District..

Here are the links to the stories in the order they were published:

O’Donnell focuses on public safety

I’m sure someone will accuse me of beating up on Brian O’Donnell, but declaring that you’re for public safety is perfunctory at best, and pandering at it’s worst. Name for me a candidate for elected office that isn’t for enhanced public safety and I’ll show you the 17 Stinger missiles I’ve been saving for just the right occasion.

And, yes, it’s hard to go to hacking on a candidate who’s for helping our local police departments any way he can, but I was under the distinct impression that legislative undertakings such as those were a given. Am I somehow mistaken? Is he the only person currently jockeying for Kevin Blaum’s soon-to-be vacated seat that is committed to law & order, or is he somehow unique in this respect? Call me biased if you must, but his platform is, in my mind, obligatory coming from someone seeking the position he’s after.

Whatever. I guess my expectations were too high. My fault.

Reilly: Table games next step for Pa.

And then we’ve got Bob Reilly who thinks we should go well beyond slot machines and introduce full-blown gambling to Pennsylvania. On it’s face, it’s hard to argue with his reasoning which amounts to, if we don’t do it the other states will. And some already do. According to Reilly and the growing army of gambling proponents, there are billions and billions of dollars to be had which, supposedly, would fix all that ails this screwed up state.

While gambling might…that’s might amount to a quick budgetary fix in some respects, it really needs to be said that embracing gambling does not amount to responsible leadership. Further, it’s tantamount to admitting that in lieu of responsible leadership, gambling will have to do. Instead of streamlining government and redirecting it’s vast resources, we get the next pie-in-the-sky idea meant to create yet another new revenue source. And after the great preponderance of the envisioned gambling dividends end up squandered as all new revenue streams surely do, then what? What new governmental scam will then have to do in lieu of the responsible leadership that Pennsylvania obviously lacks?

Again, whatever. I guess my expectations were way too high. My fault.

So, thanks to the Times Leader’s efforts, we’ve been given a choice between a tax on food by Jim Hayward, attention to public safety by Brian O’Donnell and increased gambling revenues by Bob Reilly. As far as I’m concerned, their vapidity is matched only by their clear lack of profundity and not a one of them has even tacit support coming from me.

By the way, I contacted one of the horses in this race and offered him the chance to use this internet venue of mine as a vehicle by which he could expound upon on his ideas. He declined. Actually, he didn’t even respond, which leads me to believe that this race is less about real ideas than it is a useless popularity contest. And just to be completely fair, I’ll extend the same invite to all of the candidates. Drop me an e-mail line and I’ll publish it. Y’all can debate me, since debating each other wasn’t en vogue when the League of Women Voters had y’all on the same stage.

Fact is, they wouldn’t touch me with a ten-foot pole.

Check this one out. You can watch a short campaign video.

The Cherry Blossom Festival is rapidly approaching.

I am not nor have I ever been an oil industry analyst, but I can read a lick.

I heard a caller to Sue Henry’s show give us the “scoop” on the high price of gasoline. According to him, we’re being gouged in advance of the “summer driving season” just like we’re always gouged when the thermometers get to gettin’ their pressure up. But, the difference being that this is an election year, so the prices will bottom out in a big way just before we head to the polls. Yup. According to him, the politicos will see to that rather than face any anger on the part of the populace.

The way I figure it, this guy is in for a rather rude awakening come election time.

Sorry, but the expanding economies of both India and China will still need what we need--crude oil. And while they will still covet that which we covet the most, we can’t drill in Alaska, we can’t drill off the coast of Florida, we can’t build refineries, we can’t convince the soccer moms to give up the ridiculous ten-ton SUVs, we can’t walk two city blocks for a loaf of Wonder Bread and we still don’t recognize the disastrous affects of middle class flight on overall energy consumption.

A barrel of oil is now going for $75 and setting new records almost every week. Throw into this volatile mix the current geopolitical uncertainties bordering on military hostilities, plus world demand for crude oil equally the world’s supply and you’ve got a recipe sure to deliver higher than previously imagined gasoline prices for the immediate future and then some.

With the political infighting being what it is, the Democrats are utterly powerless to affect any lasting downward pressures on those oil or gasoline prices and so are the Republicans. The only thing that will force those prices down is less consumption on our part.

Or should I say, on your part.

I’m already doing my part.

The Hummer, baby!

I gotta get crackin’ on that impairment thingie. Cheap beer, ‘spensive headphones, Cheap Trick, 100-plus decibels--what’s not to frickin’ like?

Bikeabout at noon tomorrow. You’re invited to join us, you hear?

CYA





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