2-7-2005 Maybe next year: Episode 5

You go into Afghanistan, you got guys who slap women around for five years because they didn't wear a veil. You know, guys like that ain't got no manhood left anyway. So it's a hell of a lot of fun to shoot them.--Lieutenant General James N. Mattis

I don't care what the sixties peace child herself, Nancy Pelosi says about this guy-I think I could get along with him very nicely. And as far as Pelos-out is concerned, do a few Google searches on this escapee from that infamous acid-drenched farm in Bethel, New York. A battle-tested veteran of the Peace & Love Wars that produced scores upon scores of battle-scarred folks forever mentally disfigured by the wars they fought in their own minds. For them, every single day presents yet another quagmire to be protested.

Actually, all of that anti-American protesting bullspit that was carefully cultivated at some of our most reknowned colleges, was little more than a one-sided proxy war. A proxy war ordered by those within the Soviet sphere, commanded by their capable field agents (college professors, commie agitators, well-meaning socialists, Maoists that swapped spit with John Kerry, and Martin Luther King Jr.) and fought by the grunts-the proxies-America's drugged-out, slap-happy, love-the-one-you're-with, "I'd like to teach the world to sing...," mostly f**ked-up offspring of what has come to be known as our "Greatest Generation."

Sorry. But I really don't care what some aging, Marxist-leaning naysayer has to say about anything of note. And I doubt that what she does manage to drool into the microphone passes as leadership anyway.

From the e-mail inbox Markie Mark the Greek,

Scared to death? I didnt see much to be scared of. The Eagles may have lost but they could have easily won that game. If McNabb didnt have a sub-par game---The Eagles are Super Bowl champs. They'll be back there next year. The team is too good not to be and so is McNabb.

Upbeat in Mayflower

So... what did you people think of the big game last night? Me? Moi? I thought Bob Sura was freaking awesome from start to finish. Just missed another triple-double. I sat in the stands and watched this kid play at GAR. And I sat and watched him play in the neighbor's yard. And I watched him play down at the Mayflower playground. And I watched him toil away at Florida State every time he was on the ESPN sports orgy network. I even got to play against him one afternoon when the planets must have been slightly out of balance.

And short of frickin' lightning, or possibly an Oldsmobile Rocket 88 with a nitro boost, I ain't never seen anything quite that fast and it's highly likely that I never will again. At least, not in this lifetime.

And much to my amazement, his years spent in the NBA have had him spending more time on the bench than on the court. Either the NBA had gotten too fast to even begin to comprehend, or Sura was a guy that had yet to find the proper time and place to excel. Enter the Houston Rockets. Finally, the dude is getting some serious playing time and he has not wasted the opportunity. In fact, he's been nothing short of kick-ass.

I was following the sometimes heated Chris Shovlin/Bob Sura debate from the anonymous pages of the Leader's FANFARE column only because I have been rooting for Sura since his GAR days. Just for the record, I know absolutely nothing about Shovlin except that he topped Sura's scoring marks. And I've never seen him play in person or on the video advertising box for that matter. But I remember one of the FANFARE posts going something like, "Chris Shovlin is no Bob Sura." You know what? I agreed with that comment. Even though I've never seen Shovlin play, I instantly agreed that he couldn't possibly be as good as Bob Sura. And while that's not fair to Shovlin, that's how I feel. Wanna know why?

Because short of frickin' lightning, or possibly an Oldsmobile Rocket 88 with a nitro boost, I ain't never seen anything quite that fast and it's highly likely that I never will again. At least, not in this lifetime.

Of course, there was another game to be taken in last night. Gee, what was there to be "scared to death" about heading into last night's Clash of the Parity Era Titans?

If McNabb didnt have a sub-par game...

Ahem...dude, like, when the funk doesn't he have a sub-par game? He is an inaccurate passer at best and he has shown next to no improvement in that part of his game throughout his years of undying praise in the NFL. Face it, he's a gifted running back with a cannon for an arm trapped in a linebacker's body. And if left to his own devices, he'd win the rushing title every year. But Coach wants him to stay in the pocket and pass the ball.

And when he clings to that pocket with time to burn, he looks pretty good. When he doesn't have such a comfy pocket, he tends to lock in on one receiver rather than reading the defense, or making the defense react to him even if he did read it correctly. His completion percentage always looks good because he has so many wide open receivers to hit. Apparently, not enough teams have complained to the league office about obvious "pick" plays the Eagles run over and over again without ever getting penalized. Just wait, it's early yet. I see they got away with a monster pick yesterday, and golly gee, not a one of those referees standing right next to the pick even saw it happen. The result? A completed pass and a long run. And then...then, a touchdown. No cheating detected. What else is new?

The biggest shortcoming the guy has is that he doesn't seem to realize that Randy Moss plays for the Vikes and not for the Eagles. I always call it the "punt" play. When things aren't going too well for the Eagles, sooner or later I expect McNabb to unleash a "punt." A more descriptive term would be a "Hail Mary" play. He locks in on one receiver and then throws the ball as far and as high as he can. Not to worry. The receiver will come down with it, heyna? As near as I could tell, he threw up a few punts last night. Sadly and as per usual, he got a big gain from one such errant toss. And how many passes did he have picked off? Three? It could have been worse and if you're honest about most things, you'll admit as much. And no, he typically doesn't throw too many interceptions. But with the "Hail Mary" pass being one of the favorite plays in the Eagles playbook, how long before his luck changes?

Scared to death? I didnt see much to be scared of. The Eagles may have lost but they could have easily won that game.

I totally disagree. Being a Jints fan, I understand Coach Bill's almost other-worldly mindset. Didn't you Eagles fans feel it in the first half? Did you ever see your normally sedate and confident-looking bordering on cocksure defensive coordinator working the sidelines up and down and screaming so much? Didn't you feel like an inexperienced trout that was having twenty different baits dangled in front of you so as to see which ones made you just about flinch? Come on! Didn't you feel like you were hunkered down in a forward fire base while Charlie probed away at your razor-thin defenses all night long? Get real.

During the Parcells/Bellicheck marriage, if the Jints went into halftime trailing 7-3 during a must-win game, us Jints fans knew the Bill Bros. had the dreaded nemesis right where they wanted them. From what I've seen, the only way the Eagles were going to win last night was by getting up big early on and then holding on for dear life. Coach Bill keeps on prodding and poking and waiting for mistakes. And his defensive players rarely, if ever blow a defensive assignment. Coach Bill can coach.

And Andy Reid is the master of the cutesy and yet un-flagged pick plays, the never-ending stealth screen passes, and the heads-or-tails hail mary passes. This would not make me cash in the kid's savings bonds for tickets to the next Super Bowl just yet. They lost three consecutive NFC title games and then added Jevon "The Freak" Kearse and Terrell "The A-Hole" Owens in their undying quest to bring the big football trophy on home to Philthydumpia. It didn't work. The Eagles players are now eligible to join the Buffalo Bills Support Network so as to stave off a few midnight bridge jumpings.

So what are they gonna do next year? Sign Barry Bonds? Barry Sanders? Randy Moss? Become the Philthydumpia Yankees? Tell the quarterback to pass less and run more? More hail marys? More free agents? Sorry, dude, but the green dream is slowly slipping away. I'll be surprised if McNabb ever plays in a Super Bowl again. Or at least, before Eli Manning does.

But Sura's lookin' good.

A couple other things. How long was that stupid pre-game show? Like, 12 hours or some such sh*t? How could anyone stand to watch Terry Bradshaw stroke away at his own ego for that long? Every time I'm exposed to that blithering idiot of a fool for more than five minutes, I can't help but to think that maybe Lawrence Taylor snapped the wrong ego-centric quarterback in two not so long ago. I still have that one on VHS. You know why? Because Joe Theismann is a bigger boob that Terry Bradshaw could ever hope to be. Snap!

I turned on the pre-game hoopla at 5:45 and by 6:00 I was ready. Okay, okay. Enough with the brainiac cheerleaders, and Allah only knows what else. Can we get down to some serious football talk now. A half hour to kickoff, let's rock! So what do I get?

A f**king musical tribute to Ray Charles??? Did I do something wrong besides skipping confession for the past thirty years? Ray Charles? All I wanted was some hard-nosed football minus the halftime slut parades. How did I get saddled with this? Kill me. Please.

And if anyone thinks I'm off-base to suggest that the pre-game show is a bunch of sh*t that should not be recycled, I want ya to show up at police headquarters and break into the evidence room. In there somewhere you'll find a pitchfork with your name on it. Have at it. Fall on it.

That oughta get the Eagles fans trying to run me down in traffic. Whatever. Ask me if I care.

How about the commercials that debuted during the Super Bowl? Well? Which was your favorite. For me, there was one that stood head and shoulders (somewhere around there) above the rest of the crowd. Yessiree! The GoDaddy.com ad. This was the BIG winner in my mind. Here's a quick rundown on that ad:

GoDaddy.com, "Hot Committee Meeting" So much for the Super Bowl being "stripped" of its sex appeal. A model, who rips a strap of her skimpy tank-top, almost pulls a Janet Jackson while trying to get a fictional government committee to ... uh ... um ... we stopped paying attention to the words near the end.

Other than poking fun at wardrobe malfunctions during super bowls, I just can't put my finger, or fingers on what else it was that I liked about it so much. But if I do manage to get my finger or fingers on it, I promise never to tell anyone. I promise. I swear.

Now get this. I visited the GoDaddy web site and later the GoDaddy blog page only to learn that a bit of censorship ordered by the NFL went down last night. Check it out:

Sunday, February 6. 2005

What happened to Go Daddy's second Super Bowl ad spot?

As you may have noticed our Super Bowl ad only appeared during the scheduled first quarter spot. It was scheduled to run also in the second ad position during the final two minute warning. Our ad never ran a second time. Instead, in its place, we saw an advertisement promoting "The Simpsons."

The NFL persuaded FOX to pull our ad.
We immediately contacted Fox to find out what happened. Here's what we were told: After our first ad was aired, the NFL became upset and they, together with Fox, decided to pull the ad from running a second time. Because we purchased two spots, we were also entitled to a "Brought to you by GoDaddy.com" 5 second marquis spot. They also chose to pull the marquis spot.

Our ad is finishing high in opinion polls.
So far in early opinion polls, our ad seems to be finishing fairly high. In fact, in checking the one on the Fox site, it is in the number two position. Not bad for an ad that could only be aired once.

Stay tuned for more news as it develops.
I'm sure you'll be hearing more about this over the next few days. I believe that it's the first time ever a decision was made to pull an ad after it had already been run once during the same broadcast.

If you haven't seen our Super Bowl ad, or want to see it again, there's a link provided in the previous Blog entry "Pre-Super Bowl coverage" that will take you to it.

Posted by bob parsons

Cue it up

How is it that some cities, get themselves in so much hot water on a regular basis? I'm not really sure, but I think I'm getting a handle on why Philadelphia bites mutated wangs on a semi-consistent basis. Don't these chuckleheads on council have something important to attend to? Or were they elected to become the all-knowing high priests of behavior modification?

Posted on Fri, Feb. 04, 2005

Street backs smoking ban

'Wave of the future,' he says of bill



A few years ago Mayor Street was sitting in a restaurant's no-smoking section when a guy a few tables away unleashed a stinking cigar. "It was a terrible experience," he recalled.

It proved to Street once and for all the abject failure of attempts to cordon off smokers from non-smokers.

Yesterday, Street sent legislation to City Council, introduced by Councilman Michael Nutter, that bans smoking in all public places, with minor exceptions.

"For me, the pivotal question is the employees. How do you protect employees?" Street said. In today's environment, a restaurant patron can stay away from a smoky restaurant-bar, Street said. The waiters, barkeeps and cooks are another story.

In 2000, Nutter pushed a smoking-ban bill that eventually was watered down and stalled. Since then, the anti-smoking lobby has grown. Nutter cited a January poll sponsored by the Pennsylvania Alliance to Control Tobacco, which found that 76 percent of city residents support smoke-fee policies in the workplace.

But although Nutter quickly garnered the signatures of eight colleagues as co-sponsors, Council opponents and skeptics responded that the legislation would hurt restaurants and taverns.

"I'm against it big time," said nonsmoker Councilman Rick Mariano. "We're trying to legislate things that we shouldn't be involved in." He said the bill would "cut the throats" of many businesses.

"If the place allows smoking, then I've got to make a decision about whether I go in there or not," he said.

Majority Leader Jannie Blackwell, also a nonsmoker, said she too feared the impact on business.

But Street said similar laws in other cities have not resulted in the damage that they fear.

"There's a natural reservation about doing anything that might have the impact of losing one or more customers," Street said. "But I think they will quickly learn that if nobody allows smoking, then they are not at any disadvantage."

In time, Street said, "People who go to the restaurants in this city will just accept the fact that if you want to have a smoke, get that last puff before you go in. I think progressive cities all over the country are doing it. It's the wave of the future, and I don't think we should be bringing up the rear on it."

The biggest exception in the bill is a requirement that hotels and motels can reserve up to 25 percent of their rooms for smoking customers. A food or beverage establishment with 15 percent of its sales in tobacco-related products and tobacco-distribution businesses are exempt.

Signing as co-sponsors were Council President Anna Verna, Marian Tasco, Donna Miller, Brian O'Neill, Blondell Reynolds Brown, Wilson Goode and Frank Rizzo. Nutter said he hoped all seven would vote along with him for the final bill, assuring passage. But Street said he didn't think there were enough votes now.

Street said the hearing process must attract large numbers of supporters to carry the day with fence-sitting Council members.

"The people who want a smoking ban have to say to the City Council members, 'We want a smoking ban. It's a good thing to do in this city... '

"They are going to have to be heard on this. We aren't going to be able to do this by my picking up a phone and calling people."

But for Nutter, rarely on the same side of a controversial issue with Street, the mayoral presence is large.

"We are enthusiastic and encouraged and again having strong support from Mayor Street will make the critical difference," he said.

How 'bout if everyone smokes outside but constantly looks for a council person's front car seat to dispense with their still lit cigarettes?

The next time I bitch about our council folks, please e-mail me and ask me to share a smoke with ya whenever the mercury dips below zero.

Kathy Kane? Jim McCarthy? Mike McGinley? Better than those "Nutters" in Philthynutia. Tony Thomas? Phil Latinski? Still much, much better than "Nutter" mofos. Bill Barrett? Shirley Villanova? Keepers both.

If that nutball nonsense passes as somehow being progressive in the big city, I'll be even more content to continue wallowing away in Culmberry R.F.D. And people are worried about the Patriot Act eroding our rights??? You don't even need a Patriot Act to accomplish that with so many "Nutters" running around with rocks in their fat heads.

Things must be pretty f**king perfect in Phillyland if all they've got to worry about is f**king cigarettes.

Was that really Super Bowl 39? I don't know how many times they made reference to that number, but at some point during all of the hoopla, I kinda paused and took notice of it. Super Bowl 39? Already? Where the heck did all of those years go so fast?

It really doesn't seem like it was that long ago that Tom Matiska and I were up to here with each other over Super Bowl 3. He was a Jets fan and he was quite sure that the Jets were going to knock off the mighty Baltimore Colts on Super Sunday. The Jets? Get the funk outa here. There was no way in hell or any other tropical place that any pansy-assed minor league team from the American Football League was going to beat any National Football League team in the Super Bowl. How could such a smart kid be so danged stupid on such an important matter. The AFL? Yeah, right! Joe Namath? Who?

Poor, poor Tom. I thought that he had finally eaten so much of his Dad's homemade venison jerky that it had actually turned his brain into one giant motherlode of a Slim Jim. You are what you eat, right? Take that stupid Jets helmet off and allow me to slap some sense into you, boy. For God's sake, man! What if somebody hears you? The Jets? The Jets? Tom!!! Snap out of it!!! Please. You're scaring me.

Jets 16-Colts 7.

And the merger was definately set in stone as a result. The AFL would become the AFC and the NFL, the NFC.

Okay, big whoop! So he got one right.