2-9-2005 Harvick, Dubya and the rest of them

You can call it whatever you want to call it, whatever adjective you want to describe the problem. I think it's real, I think it's fundamental, I think we have an obligation. ... I would also say that I think people are taking a risk politically if they stand up and say it's not a problem, because I think most people realize it is, particularly younger people.--Dubya on the raging social security debate.

I recently took a hammer to the company gonads of Michael's on this here internet portal. And I didn't have a problem with it at all. If some business can't wire it's sh*t right and as a result thinks nothing of ripping us off; I'm a gonna hack them to tiny pieces every chance I get. I also made a recent reference to an unnamed downtown eatery of ours that can't get a grilled cheese sandwich served before it goes moldy. The way I see it, these little tales of service gone horribly wrong are provided by me as a public service. Whatever.

Now if you've ever ordered products from an internet site only to learn that your order got gumbied somehow, you know how tough it can be to make things right with an internet concern. You're usually reduced to sending them an e-mail and then wondering if they'll ever respond. In most cases, you're probably screwed. And if you can scour said web site and actually come up with a 1-800 number, you may be eligible for a "Ripley's Believe It or Not" mention. Oh, yeah. If there's a 1-800 number buried there somewhere, you're gonna have to leap head first through a bunch of hoops of real fire, baby. Returns? Replacements? You silly, silly sod.

But, as is usually the case, there are often exceptions to every rule. Enter Nascar.com.

The Daytona 500 is less than two weeks away, so I thought I'd get online and order me the '05 versions of Kevin Harvick's 1:64 scale Goodwrench Chevys. The new '05 paint scheme was not yet available, but a few specialty paint schemes were available for both Busch and Nextell Cup races. So I ordered two Busch specialty cars, and the special paint scheme for the rapidly approaching Daytona 500. After a couple of days, I got an e-mail from these folks telling me my order was shipped. Cool.

And after a couple more days, the package was sitting right in front of me as I poked and prodded at it with a dull as hell letter opener. And as soon as I managed to flip the top open and peer inside, I got that sick feeling. Holy bleep!!! Are you bleeping kidding me? I ordered all of three freaking glorified Matchboxes and that was just too tough for the warehouse moron who picked the order to get right? Tell me I'm wrong. I flailed at and snagged the invoice. Maybe they back-ordered....ARGH! BLEEPING MORON!!! I ordered three cars. I paid for three cars. They claim they shipped three cars. I got two. Does anyone know what the bleep they're doing?

I scanned the invoice from top to bottom hoping against hope to find a 1-800 number without success. Sumbitch! Here we go. I'm a gunna tear 'em off boy! I'm a gunna kill somebody! I'm a gunna bleeping bleep some bleeping bleep! So I fired this 'puter thingie up and proceeded directly to the scene of the crime: Nascar.com. I knew this was going to be a complete waste of time, but it was still worth a shot before I totally went off abusing animals or anything. And after less than fifteen or so mouse clicks, I was staring at a freaking 1-800 number. Huh? If there's anything wrong with my order I'm to call immediately? That's odd.

So I called and spent about seven minutes on hold. First, I can't wait to tell some Indian, or American Somoan that I was shorted. That ought to go over big. "I um chowing sheeped sir. Ah ju sure not in sheeping carton?" "No, Haji. It's not in the box. I was ripped-off. Got it?" "We ah chowing sheeped sir. Pizz off and hauve a nice day." All of a sudden I was startled by "Hi. This is Todd. How can I help you?" Todd, er, Todd...yeah, dude, like, I got shorted on my order. And from there, Todd apologized, did a sh*tload of typing, and sent me my Daytona car. Turns out, Nascar.com doesn't suck like everybody else. Who knew?

Then again, it was pointed out to me that if I'd grow up and stop playing with Matchboxes, this would have never happened in the first place.

Grow up? Give up Matchboxes? What are we talking crazy for? What's next? No more upsetting those bible thumpers tapping on my screen door by blasting AC/DC and crackin' a beer at ten in the morning?

Lock up your daughter, lock up your wife...

From the e-mail inbox Mark,

I just have a request and a question for you. Obviously I don't have a complete grasp on the specifics of each question. I am only hoping you could enlighten me.

1. Being a firemen I would like to have seen some new hires on the fire side. However, I also think we need crime fighters. Regardless of who was hired, can we assume that the EMS Tax money is now permanently earmarked to cover those salaries and benefits until things pick-up in the city?

2. I was surprised to see that you haven't comment on Dubya's State of the Union speech. There is all this hubbub about Social Security Reform. Where can one go to view his plan? Keeping in mind that I haven't seen anything to date, doesn't it seem very risky? Post 9/11 stocks took a nose dive and people nearly lost their shirts. I'm really interested to read your view point on this subject.



Dude, the "EMS Tax money" (based on current employment figures) is projected to be approximately $850,000 a year. One thing though, that number could quickly mushroom if the downtown does start coming back. Every new job created down there adds another $52 to the kitty. Just thought I'd throw that out there for further contemplation. Anyways, the city hired ten new cops and that is estimated to cost roughly $650,000. So, yes, in the future at least that much money from the EMS tax fund will need to be earmarked to pay the salaries and benefits of those new cops. And based on current figures, that'll leave roughly $200,000 to do with as we will.

This year that $200,000 went towards firehouse repairs. The needed repairs at both South Station and Headquarters will be covered with those bucks. The mayor wants to build a new station up Nord End way to replace our two northernmost dung heaps. And he also stated that he'd prefer to build a new station in the Heights rather than dump money into that pigeon poop depository. Chances are, if any new structures do go up, they'll be built almost entirely with grant monies and such. We don't use the general fund to build new structures.

So, the way I see it, once the firehouse situation is all said and done with, whether we end up with four or five firehouses, they'll all be either up to snuff, or brand spanking new. That could take a couple of years, but my point is, once the gameplan is finalized and executed, you should see some steady bucks coming your way in the fire department. We could speculate as to what those bucks might be used for, but it's kinda early to try to make those sorts of calls. My guess would be a new engine or two, but who knows? Maybe we'll do something with staffing in the not so distant future. Who knows?

I do expect to see some jobs created in this town, so as time passes, expect to see even more potential for public safety good as a result of the mayor's decision to very quickly increase the right-to-toil tax? I know the activist crazies didn't care for the tax increase, but they've never managed anything bigger than a dart booth at the local church bazaar. The passage of time will prove them to be wrong once again.

On to your next subject:

2. I was surprised to see that you haven't comment on Dubya's State of the Union speech. There is all this hubbub about Social Security Reform. Where can one go to view his plan? Keeping in mind that I haven't seen anything to date, doesn't it seem very risky? Post 9/11 stocks took a nose dive and people nearly lost their shirts. I'm really interested to read your view point on this subject.

Ah, The State of the Union monkeyshine. That embarrassing break with all known protocol. That event that proved that the democratic party as it currently exists is hopelessly adrift, if not, driven more by hate for Dubya than ideology. Booing and hissing at a SOTU speech? How low will these non-statesmen sink? Talk about a sad moment in our history. All the demo-crack-pots really needed was John Belushi barking ""blowjob" through his tightly clenched fist to complete their frightening transformation from that of a legitimate political party to a loosely-affiliated group of Bush-haters first, and Americans second. How in the hell can a person possibly defend their D.C. honcho booing at a SOTU speech? How?

After that bullspit, I was so hot, I barely heard another word Bush said while I tried to get my mind around just how awful what had just occurred actually was. Reid? Pelosi? Rangel? Clinton? Kerry? Kennedy? McKinney? Boxer? Sorry, kiddies, but you Dems out there had better start demanding much better from the bleeping assholes you're sending to Washington. Dude, I was so annoyed with these cretins, I ended up changing the channel and watching something really important on USA. And I read some of the text from his speech the very next day, sans the useless assholes and their sophmoric pranks.

Any-funking-way...social security reform. Talk about a political hot potato. There were links to his plan on all of the major news sites for a while, but I'm not sure how many have removed them. If you can't find a link on those sites, a bit of Google digging ought to get it done.

Very risky? Nah. We're talking about putting a small percentage of the funds into several competing plans loaded with relatively safe investments. And, yes, we took a beating post-9/11, but that was a one-time cataclysmic event. The question is, can it happen again?

I think this argument falls along the lines of the political divide. Republicans are by nature "investor class" types who generally like the idea of being free to generate compounding interest up the whazoo. Then there's the useless Democrats, who seem to totally abhor economic personal freedoms as compared to raising taxes to fix everything. Ask those Dems busily booing Dubya how they'd fix social security if they had to. All of their roundabout, deliberately vague attempts at answers would end up at the same tired and demented place: No personal freedoms and increased taxes. You know that.

Senate Minority Leader (?) Harry Reid called Dubya's plan "roulette." When I heard that, I wanted to poke him upside the head. What happened to Democrats crying on cue for twenty-five years about the social security "crisis?" The impending gloom and doom that it was? Now Reid calls Dubya's plan "roulette" and astonishingly went on to say that the social security funding is good to go another 50 years. And they call Dubya a liar? Either the Dems were lying to us for the past twenty-five years, or they're all lying to us now. Either way, they're a bunch of funkin' liars.

Dubya is the very first politico since Reagan to suggest a plan to fix social security. Whether you like his plan or not, he deserves praise for having the gumption to tackle such a complex problem. But instead of respectfully agreeing to disagree with him, the Dems boo, hiss, mock, prevaricate and generally toss reckless insults whereas his intelligence level is concerned. But enough with those useless kooks currently spinning out of control.

Over the course of time, the stock market has surely had it's ups and downs, but the stock market produces a greater rate of return than virtually any other vehicle. A dollar invested in the market will typically be worth one hundred dollars after a couple of decades or so. There is no arguing with that fact. Dubya wants to add some compounding interest to the social security equation. And the Dems want us to stick with less of a return on the same money that a simple savings account at the local bank could produce.

And Dubya's the one being booed???

This issue alone should get you younger folks flocking to the polls to finally put those self-serving, 'Atlantic City or bust' A.A.R.P. folks in their places. Exactly whom does the status quo ultimately serve? The folks that never considered providing for their own retirements? Or the folks who seek every available option to do just that?

Partial privatization?

If I were as young as you are, I'd be chompin' at the freakin' bit.

Linkletter Claims AARP is Country's Largest Liberal Lobby

by Chris Field

Posted Feb 9, 2005

Liberal Intolerance Disguised as Protest

Beloved former TV host and now senior citizens' spokesman Art Linkletter has decided to go toe-to-toe with the AARP on politics and policy.

Mr. Linkletter, the former host of "Kids Say the Darnedest Things" and current National Chairman of the United Seniors Association (USA), made his views on the AARP known Monday in an interview on Fox News' "Your World with Neil Cavuto."

During the interview, the 93-year-old conservative Linkletter touted the importance of Social Security reform with personal retirement accounts and went on to call the AARP, which opposes President Bush's reform plan, "the largest liberal lobbying group in Washington."

HUMAN EVENTS has learned USA has no intention of backing down from Linkletter's criticism of the AARP. In fact, the coming issue of USA Next, a quarterly publication by USA and a special supplement to HUMAN EVENTS, takes on the AARP directly.

In addition, USA CEO Charlie Jarvis will appear on Fox News' "O'Reilly Factor" on Thursday, February 10, to launch the "USA Next Stop Scaring Seniors NOW!" -- a campaign focusing on the AARP and the alleged damage it has done and continues to do to America. Chris Field is Editor of Human Events Online.

He can be contacted at Chris.Field@HumanEventsOnline.com

From the e-mail inbox Mark

Leighton's doing a fine job.

From the e-mail inbox Mark,

I think your right about great doings being on the way but it can't get here fast enough to suit me. I want to see something built. I want to go visit something or do something or spend something.

From the e-mail inbox Bloggerhead
You don't honestly believe that Tom Leighton can beat Kathy Kane do you?

Can you say Mayor Kane?

Oy vey!!! Shtoop this you crazy sniz-nit, you walking shvantz of a goyim!!!

Bloggerhead? I like that.

I snagged the following news tidbit from The Beacon, the Wilkes University student newspaper:

Mini-Grant Helps City Crack Down on College Drinking

By Julie Melf

Published: Monday, February 7, 2005

Wilkes University and the Wilkes-Barre Police Department are working hand in hand thanks to a new mini-grant that will educate and reduce high-risk drinking amongst college students.

According to the Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board (PLCB), the mini-grant funds up to $10,000 for colleges and communities that want to develop and maintain effective and promising practices with the purpose of preventing high-risk drinking among college students.

Although the university receives no actual money for the grant, it will provide an additional two police officers to monitor streets such as South River, Ross and South Franklin Streets, where a majority of the bigger college parties take place. The grant will also provide programs to educate students on issues such as the laws regarding alcohol consumption.

"[The mini-grant] is a response to an ongoing issue that occurs on college campuses throughout America. This is just hitting us now to help us at least provide additional control ...This is not focused on the students who are able to maintain control...if you're over 21 you can enjoy alcohol if you so choose...But for those individuals who come here and feel that they have a right to party and be rowdy and tear up the neighborhood, this is going to hurt," Chris Bailey, director of campus support services said.

Bailey further explained that with the increase in patrol officers on campus, the university cannot and will not intervene with citations issued by the police.

"Having focused enforcement, has basically removed the university from the process. I'm not going to say that the penalties internally aren't as severe, but [students] don't have a record. You don't have to go through the court system, you don't have to show up in front of a magistrate, you don't have to hire an attorney in some cases because the charges are that severe, especially if caught serving alcohol to underage individuals or selling alcohol," Bailey said.

The new mini-grant, which went into place last semester, has already helped lead to several arrests with three citations issued as a result of a party that occurred the last weekend before winter break. According to Public Safety, it's the occasional party that gets out of hand that prompts such action.

"There's a risk and a responsibility with taking alcohol. People have to know their limits, have to respect their limits, have to watch out for each other, realize that your friends could bring a lot of trouble down on you. If a friend gets drunk or out of control, the police are going to follow that trail back to where that, especially if the person is underage, where they obtained that alcohol. That's going to come down hard on the people who are in that house, because if no one fesses up to it, it's going to be shared equally among the people who own the house where the party was held," Bailey said.

Patrol Operation Manager, Jerry Rebo, worked twenty-two years with the Wilkes-Barre Police Department, five of which patrolling with Captain Laralee Riemensnyder who is primarily responsible for getting the mini-grant and he offers advise to students regarding drinking.

"You have to act responsible when you go out there. We're not trying to prevent having a good time, but we want you to have a good time, be responsible and safe," Rebo said.

*In spite of numerous attempts to reach her, Captain Laralee Riemensnyder was unavailable for comment for this article.

Hey! If you activist queerballs must shout gibberish at me whenever I happen on by, please try not to stammer your monosyllabatic "See Spot Run" words, okay? And try to make some sort of cogent point other than babbling away much like a hyperactive third-grader at recess might after having been skulled repeatedly with an over-inflated dodgeball. You know, you could make the world a better place by tying a plastic bag over your head. And if you did, that plastic bag would be canonized as Saint Translucent as soon as your lifeless and lumpy body was tossed down the bank with the rest of the convoluted sh*t.

Thank you for your cooperation in this matter, simpleton.