December 8, 1980

I wouldn't be surprised if he appeared in the next month.-Teresa Heinz Kerry

You know, some really overzealous people need to clerify a few things here. I'm reminded practically every day that Bush himself allowed Osama to escape by diverting his attention and our military from Afghanistan to Iraq. A rather dubious accusation to say the least. But for the venomous anti-Bush crowd, baseless accusations flow from their constantly flapping fat lips faster than Justin Limberlake can rip open an exspensive blouse.

Which is it already, you losers? Did Bush allow Osama to escape, or does he have him neatly tucked away and poised for the biggest October surprise since 2000, when ancient DUI charges were unearthed as we were on our way to the polls? Which is it? Stop covering both sides of this nonsensical non-issue? Did Bush drop the Osama ball? Or does he have Osama's balls in a vice somewhere in Maryland?

At the very least, in the near future, please try to make a cogent point now and again and refrain from contradicting yourselves over and over again.

Bush gave up on the hunt for Osama, but you wouldn't be surprised if he's already in the can?

Not exactly zeroing in on reality, are we?

It's painfully obvious that...

...Kerry and his loose-lipped wife are a pair of patrician, effete snobs. Yet, their supporters constantly bemoan the "fact" that Bush caters to the rich. It's just another glaring contradiction that leads one to question the thought process of those on the limp-wristed side of the aisle.

If you're one of the many energized class envy warriors currently making yourselves dizzy, how in the hell can the King and Queen of sickening aloofness be at all appealing to you? The way these two constantly talk down to us lowly serfs, you should be of the impression that they were both charged to rule over us by divine providence.

They are the ultimate poster children of the snobbish elite the class envy troops supposedly loathe so completely, yet they are being presented by their most ardent supporters as the defenders of the downtrodden everywhere.

And if you're buying that ridiculous line, how about buying one of the 600 authentic Babe Ruth rookie cards I have.

Think, people. Before it's too late.

How's about an update on..

...Bush's secret plans for after the election as presented to us by Johnny Nuance himself?

1.) Bush has a secret plan to re-institute the draft... after the election.

2.) Bush has a super-secret plan to privatize social security...after the election.

3.) Bush has a double-secret plan to quickly pull out of Iraq...after the election.

4.) Bush has a triple-secret plan to call up a sizable number of National Guardsmen...after the election.

5.) Bush has a top secret plan to eat our children...after the election.

Did you notice that #4 contradicts #3? And #3 contradicts #1? Whatever. That's what Kerry does practically every time he flaps his recently botoxed jowels. He contradicts his previous statements. Oh, and he makes it up as he goes along. He lies. And amazingly, 40% of us actually believe his wishy-washy flirtations with the truth. Even Mike MgGlynn.

Kathy Kane wants more...

...women and minorities appointed to the city's various and sundry authority boards.

I don't really have a problem with worshipping before the politically correct Gods in this case, except to say that we don't need more women or minorities serving on those authorities. What we need is qualified women and minorities appointed to them. We don't need diversity for diversity's sake. We need diversity if and when it works for the betterment of all concerned.

I'll follow a bisexual Nazi dwarf into battle, iffin' he/she/it is clearly the most capable leader available. But please don't offer me diversity as some sort of proof of social progress without the necessary qualifications being the overriding first priority.

Which is not to say that all of the men that currently serve or who have served in the past were the best that Wilkes-Barre could muster. It's obvious to this not so casual observer that the folks in the testosterone camp have laid waste to much of Wilkes-Barre during their nepotista thousand year rule. Could the folks from the rival hormonally-driven camp do much worse? Homeostasis didn't produce much. But will women and the predominantly single issue minorities produce anything of note deemed to be a significant improvement over that of their WASI (White, Anglo-Saxon, Irish) counterparts? There's only one way to find out.

But before we reverse the laws of nature and nominate women and minorities for these positions, I think we need to think things through a bit more. Sorry, kiddies, but I see mostly big problems down the road. And as we venture down this road frought with danger, let's exclude minorities from this prediction of what may come about. Let's examine what could happen if our authority boards were to become saturated with women.

How would the male members of the Parking Authority react to their female counterparts constant trading of recipes on authority time? Sorry, but Hopping John pie is just not on the radar screen of most males.

What better way is there to kick off a Redevelopment Authority meeting than with the latest dumb blonde joke currently sweeping the nation? Think about it. Why do blondes wear panties? To keep their ankles warm. BANG! Hardy, har, har. Ready to do some important business, boys?

How could any authority board member respect another who does not obsess over the latest NFL point spreads? Come on! What are we doing here?

And what of liquid lunches? Are a bunch of newly empowered chicks going to object to proper and accepted protocol? I think that is a distinct possibility.

How are the more experienced board members supposed to respect the new female board members after they object to an after meeting foray at the nudie bar?

And with just a few women in tow, won't our existing board members have to suffer the ultimate indignity of being forced to allow fellow golfers to play through?

Sorry, but we've got some crucial city business on the docket and I don't think we need people preoccupied with the latest, greatest Little House on the Prairie remake tending to it.

Boys rule. That's the way it has always been and that's the way it shall be from hence forth. Got it?

Brace yourself, chickies....I'm just mucking about with ya'll. Sorry. I couldn't help myself. I don't have a problem with women occupying high places so long as they wear something extremely tight-fitting. Argh! I freakin' did it again. Yikes! I meant to say 'extremely revealing.' Cripes!

I'll stop before castration ends up dominating the upcoming agenda.

Lennon fans threaten his killer as release looms

Paul Harris in New York

Sunday September 26, 2004

The Observer

Mark Chapman, the man who murdered John Lennon, could be released from jail next month in a move that has sparked fears of retribution from Beatles fans.

Chapman will have a parole hearing in the week beginning 4 October, officials at the New York State Parole Division said. It will be held behind closed doors. However, one official said they had 'no idea' what the outcome of the hearing would be.

But if Chapman is released after 24 years in prison, some Lennon fans have already threatened to take action. News of the parole hearing has spread on the internet and dozens of websites have been filling up with messages from fans around the world, many already promising to take revenge on the man who gunned down Lennon on 8 December 1980 as he arrived at his New York apartment building off Central Park.

'Chapman should be executed. I would gladly get rid of him myself,' wrote a fan from Finland on one website. Another fan has already set up an online petition to have Chapman's parole denied. It is already full of messages that show Chapman's safety outside jail would be difficult to maintain. 'If Mark David Chapman is let out of jail, he wouldn't last a day. There are too many people who want him dead,' wrote a New York-based female fan.

Any security conditions for protecting Chapman if he is released will be down to the New York State Parole Board.

'It is up to them. It is nothing to do with the police,' said a spokesman for the New York Police Department.

Here! Here!..

...You can count me in.

My Grandma constantly made reference to the two most cataclysmic dates of infamy during her life until she finally passed on. December 7, 1941, and November 22, 1963. My Mom seemed almost haunted by the latter date, and as a small child, I watched in confused amazement as she sobbed herself sick on that fateful day. It's obvious to me now that she truly loved her young president way back when and his being taken from us before his time was something that she would never be able to come to grips with. She never did.

As a struggling young dork, November 22, 1963 was as firmly entrenched in my mind as 714 was. JFK. Babe Ruth. What else was there to remember other than the Boy Scout oath?

Hank Aaron came along and sadly, 714 became a number that only us older folks would remember, but I never thought for a split-second that December 7, 1941, or November 22, 1963 could ever be eclipsed by even more Earth-shattering events. Obviously, I was still young and naive.

January 25, 1986 was a day that I will never, ever forget. Due to the fact that I do not know my Dad at all, I have always closely followed the aerospace industry, which was his chosen field of endeavor. I dragged my then four-year son out of bed on my day off and told him we were going to watch a space shuttle launch together. What we watched on that awful morning was my generations December 7th. Or so I thought at that time. September 11, 2001 eventually relegated January 25th, 1986 to second place for just about all of us marking disasters of historic proportions.

But December 8, 1980 is a day that will never be forgotten by this life-long Beatles fan. December 8, 1980 was the day when I, and many others realized that the magic that the Beatles were could never, ever be rekindled. Millions upon millions of us yearned for the day when the Fab Four would settle their mostly petty differences and get on with creating the unmatched electricity that all other bands were clueless as to how to create.

But a completely delusional Mark David Chapman decided to alter history on that date. Mark Chapman took from me and many, many others what we had waited so long for: The Beatles reunion.

I would never go out of my way to cause him any grief, but if he ever comes near me...