4-6-2004 The Coughlin Bottom Dogs?

Bush is the problem, not the solution. Iraq is George Bush's Vietnam, and this country needs a new president.--Ted "Hiccup" Kennedy at the Brookings Institute yesterday.

I may be going out on a dangerously thin limb here, but I think even Ethel would agree that there is no bigger blowhard than Ted Kennedy. "George Bush's Vietnam." Hmmm. 58,000 KIAs vs. 600 KIAs. After a fiffth of scotch, anyone would see the obvious parallels. (?) And a few pink gargoyles. Or should it go something more along the lines of Iraq is George Bush's Chappaquiddick?

And the old, tired fool bathered on and on:

Saying whatever it takes to prevail has become standard operating procedure in the Bush White House. In this administration, truth is the first casualty of policy.--Ted again

Truth. He wants the truth. Shall we revisit Chappaquiddick Island?

Al. That's right, Al. Is he still on the internet and five radio stations? Rush may be a "Big, fat idiot," as Al tagged him (typical leftie name-calling), but at least Rush has more than a dozen listeners. They were soldiers. Soldiers fighting for truth, justice, and the socialist way.

This just in. An afternoon update from the Times Leader web site:

Posted on Tue, Apr. 06, 2004

Recyclable schedule causes confusion

WILKES-BARRE - City officials ask that anyone in Zone 2 - areas south of South Street - who put recyclables on the curb Monday to take them back in until Monday, April 12. The city's new recycling schedule went into effect this week.

The schedule calls for twice monthly collection of recyclables according to zone. Items will be picked up in Zone 1 - neighborhoods north of South Street - on the first and third Mondays of each month. They will be collected in Zone 2 on the second and fourth Mondays.

Residents with questions may call the Mayor's Helpline at 821-1111.

Okay. Enough is enough. I've read all of the cutesy comments from the seemingly growing assortment of morons that called SAYSO about f**king garbage pickups? How many f**king times do they have to publish the fargin' thing already? Some of you people are starting to scare me. Why can't I just have my city calendar back? Life as we knew it is no more. The city may be destroyed and all, but at least Mayor McZilla picked up my empty Dr Pepper bottles on time. Some Zappa seems appropriate at this less than critical juncture.

Some people's hot
Some people's cold
Some people's not very
Swift to behold
Some people do it
Some see right through it
Some wear pyjamas
If only they knew it

Oh God! Sorry. Oh goodness. Another Zappa flashback. I need a bottle of anise oil to sniff.

I could a swore her hair was made of rayon
She wore a Milton Bradley crayon
But she was something I could lay on

Does your version of wifey pray at the curb? McG's blasphemous altar?

I enjoy Casey Jones' opinion columns in the Leader. He is a massive improvement over Steve Corbett and his listless dribble. I was happy to read that he and his tribe are going to purchase a house in the city. Welcome aboard. Grab a push broom, boy.

I will admit to being somewhat stupified while reading his latest column, Luzerne County 'firing' squad shows no class this morning. Here's a snippet that'll give ya the overall tone:

That's what happened to four county employees last week. I don't have a problem with the commissioners making some personnel moves. It's how the employees were fired that bothers me.

Essentially, a uniformed goon squad showed up, collecting keys and county property, and showed the workers the door. In one case, the employee was recovering from surgery at home, and they turned up on his doorstep.

Dude, severed employees find themselves being escorted off of the property each and every day. In this case, at the 911 compound, you had two bosses terminated, while the whistle blowers that caused their employment to evaporate work in the same building. Would it be a good idea to invite the terminated chaps to hang out as long as they wished? Workplace shooting comes to mind for me. Whatever.

What amazed me with this bitching about the county's post-employment escort, is the fact that the Leader does the County one worse when it comes to escorting folks off to the sidewalk. Consider what recently happened to former Times Leader Dude, now Times Shamrock Dude. He gave a legitimate two week notice and was given the hook so fast he was probably dizzy when he woke up on the front sidewalk. Keep us entertained, Casey. If not, you'll get to meet the goon squad your present employer keeps hidden away in the sub-basement.

What do you do for fun? How does crawling around in the dark sound? Or the cold? The rain? The muck? Climbing hills? Mountain ranges? Would you brave all of that for some sort of teeny tiny electronic gizmo that has no other function than drawing folks out into the middle of Lower Tarnation in search of some silly trinkets? If so, here's your ticket. But be warned. This is a favorite of folks that ride motorcycles heavier than a '54 Hudson without a helmet, and who also run into, rather than away from burning buildings.

What the muck? What do ya make of this from today's SAYSO?

Could that actually be real, or did Wilkes-Barre's preeminent anonymous instigator call that one in? And do we really have a growing Islamic community here? I haven't seen anyone kneeling on the Square recently. That is to say, not until well after the sun goes down, if you catch my drift.

I think it's a gag and if so, it's a good one. And if not, I think a resounding, "F**k off!" is in order. Are these young athletes supposed to emulate the Crusaders? Uh, nope. They usually throw, catch, and, or chase balls around. I doubt that 2% of the kids that go to Coughlin even know what the Crusades were. And if they did, they'd probably say something akin to, "I don't know. Some war fought with swords 10,000 years ago, right around the time my mom was born?"

And as far as the Crusades are concerned, hasn't enough time passed for some folks to get over whatever holds them back already? Do we all have a right to be offended by everyone else? The Hutus are massacring the Nunus. The Russians kill the Chechens. The Chechens kill the Russians. The Pakistanis and Indians are still mulling it over. The Jews kill the Muslims. The Muslims kill the Jews. And Iraqis. And Americans. And Australians. Spaniards. Polish. Maylasians. British. French. Dutch. But Coughlin needs to change it's nickname. Yup. I can follow that idiocy.

I was warned not to break this news, but I can't help myself. They tell me that Tom Leighton is still negotiating this deal, so we're supposed to keep it under wraps, but I can't. Here's the scoop. After that impressive pyrotechnic display the other night, Leighton is in serious negotiations to have our 4th of July festivities moved to Main Street, Plymouth. Heyna? Wanna jam in there and watch Plymouth go BOOM!? I do.

From the e-mail inbox:

*******Hey, Mark,

I have often wondered about the Pencil Dude. My mother would always drop some coins into the guy's box. She always took a pencil on the grounds that as long as he was selling something, he was no beggar.

I suppose that in those days, when downtown WB was full of businesses, the Pencil Dude's products got a lot of use. At least he was providing a legitimate service. I bet Tony Robbins would go broke trying to hawk pencils on the Square today.

Thanks for the memories,


I think there's only one thing that sells down there these days, and you and I don't have the necessary product to gain a piece of that action. The only thing is, that's all about to change. I was talking to a realtor I know somewhat and every time I ask her about selling in Wilkes-Barre, she looks as if she'd rather be guarding a hotel in Baghdad. I saw here last week, asked her the same old question, but this time she had a different reply. She said that recently there has been a lot of interest in the retail properties in Wilkes-Barre. Hows about that?

Pencil Dude may be but a memory for us folks born before the advent of electricity, but I honestly believe that soon enough I'll be able to take my grandkids downtown and create some memories that will stay with them for decades. In my bustling downtown.

I'm gonna go watch the Braves. After 4 innings, they are getting their asses handed to them. Let's see here. So far, they can't pitch, they can't catch, they can't throw, and they apparently can't hit either. What's not to like?

I'm Mark Cour and I approved of this message.

McCain/Feingold? What a bunch of malarkey!