5-26-2004 An E-mail from Iraq

I am calling today for Republicans as well as Democrats to join me in asking for the immediate resignations of those immediately below George Bush and Dick Cheney, who are most responsible for creating the catastrophe we are facing in Iraq.

Donald Rumsfeld ought to resign immediately. Our nation is at risk every single day Rumsfeld remains as Secretary of Defense. We need someone with good judgment and common sense."

Rice ought to resign immediately. She has badly mishandled the coordination of national security policy. This is a disaster for our country.--Former Vice-Prez, Al "Throw all of those absentee military votes out" Gore.

And there it is. Yet another clueless asshole further encouraging the useless morons that deal in IEDs.

The latest from the on-going hissy-fit on the forum page:

Got Cojones? -- Afraid to tell my name, 06:39:03 05/26/04 Wed [2]

Got Cojones --- Online guy dont you have any common sense. would you like to jepordize your livelihood if it was your future managment(larry) in your place of imployment.It made me laugh when i read your comments. I have gone in burning buildings with no hoseline doing search and rescue.i've put out car fires hoping the batery doesnt explode in my face.ive put out burning houses hoping watching so the structure above doesnt fall on my head.just because im not stupid enouph to give my name doesn't mean i have no balls. your a WACKER!

Wacker (whacker)? Who you callin' a fargin' whacker? It's true, but I need to defend my tattered honor here. Meet me in the hole at sundown and I will whip you to death with a strawberry Twizzler. If need be, I'll stop at Turkey Hill and grab some cherry Twizzlers, but you're freakin' had. You know, then again, jammin' Starbursts up your nostrils sounds like a workable plan. I know! I'll force feed you some of their bitter, but freshly brewed coffee. You're bummin'.

I lack common sense? I gotta tell ya, that is the very first time that charge has ever been leveled at this numbskull. Most people I run across tell me that they admire my common sense approach to life and most other things of note. And if we remember correctly, I like simplicity. Common sense mixed with a sprig of simplicity usually equals measureable results. That is, when you're not dealing with a few hysterical firemen.

Dude, don't get me wrong. Rushing into burning structures and such is about as brave as brave gets. I'm not trying to curry favor with anyone. That's simply how I feel. But your comments suggest that you've got an on/off switch attached to your cojones. You'll face possible death or disfigurement, but you're afraid to be honest with your boss, bosses, or future bosses? Listen to yourself.

And trust me, you need not wonder about what I might do at my place of employment. No one has ever accused me of being a yes man. Quite the contrary. I level with my bosses. On occasion, they like what I have to say. Other times they don't. Every once in a while, they piss me off to the high heavens. Now and again, I muck up and they get pissed at me. And dig this. They even check this site once in a while. But believe me, there is no toggle switch hidden under my shorts. The worst they can do is fire me. They can't sell me into slavery. They can't order my execution. And they can't change who I am.

And chew on this. My immediate boss and I both went through four rounds of internal interviews before he became my boss. I was hoping to become his boss, but he got the nod. Did I freak out? Did I run to the internet and post all sorts of whiny anonymous nonsense? Nope. I continued to do what I always did. I worked hard. I worked fast. And I went home. If he looks good, that's because he's doing a good job and so are the people under him. Especially us self-motivated types. The plain fact of the matter is, I like the guy and I wouldn't do anything puny or underhanded to damage his standing simply because he was promoted instead of your's truly. Does that smack of common sense? Or am I a whack-job?

This is nifty...

An e-mail direct from Iraq. Yup. My nephew Rory sent this along today and I thought you'd find it interesting. Rory is deployed with the 109th.

3:07 PM 5/26/2004
Hey Mark how are you? It was good to here from you. I am glad you wrote. I have been in country for about 4 months now. It is really starting to get hot. Its about 125 out now. It is unbearable. There is a 8 hour time difference so its about 7:00 am there now. I never thought I would be here,but here I am. I am happy everyone is doing ok. I will be better in about 9 months. We will all get together when I get home. Have a good party. I got a house in plymouth with my wife. I am going to school at LCCC almost done with my criminal justice deg. You can call my wife if you ever need somthing. By the way her name is Melissa. We have been together for about 6 years but just got married last november. The wedding was going to be this past May but of course I had to come here. My dad is ok I guess. His XXXXX he is with I am not to fond of. He has a place in wikes-barre. So you were wondering what I might need. Well I do need a two-way handheld radio to communicate with my guys here. I also need marlboro lights and lighters. They are very hard to come by in the desert. If you can have someone yurn the sun down here that would be great to haha. I have tons of pictures and stories for you but they will wait till I get home. I can not tell you where I am now, but I was in Bagdad for a long time. I am an MP so I do all that stuff here. It is crazy here. The people either love or hate you,and usually the latter of the two. All the people have guns and like to use them. But we are a good unit and do a good job here. I just want to go home safe thats it. Mail is about the best thing a guy can get here. Well the computer is about to melt so I better go. Hope to here from you and feel free to e-mail me. Love you guys.



Saddam Dome???

Sunset in the Iraqi desert

Photos by Rory

Wow! This is the first time...

...I've ever received an e-mail from the Emergency Management Agency.

Warning, Warning!

Terrorist Alert

Recently we have received credible intelligence that there have been seven terrorists working in your neighborhood.

Fortunately, six of the seven have been apprehended. Bin Sleepin, Bin Loafin, Bin Goofin, Bin Lunchin, Bin Drinkin and Bin Behind-Kissin have all been taken into custody.

At this time, no one fitting the description of the seventh cell member, Bin Workin, has been found in your area.

We are confident that anyone who looks like he's Bin Workin will be very easy to spot.

You are OBVIOUSLY not a suspect at this time.

Bin Muckin al About is the bastard that scares this internet scribe the most.

Kurt Shotko...

...our local critically-thinking, hemp-loving, Green Party Congressional candidate appeared on the Sue Henry Show this morning.

I'll summarize his appearance. It was funnier than "The Best of Red Skeleton" videos currently making the rounds. The government should pay every mother of every child born in this country $20,000 so long as they submit to parental training classes? Is his pot stash being stored too close to the leaky WD-40 can?

If he was sent to Washington to serve as a congressman, his fellow intern chasers would surely order the CDC to quarantine NEPA to make sure that the mental disease Kurt has contracted will not spread across the other contiguous 47 states. Christ! John Kerry might even demand that Dubya bomb this entire region with 5,000 pound waffles until we smarten up and promise to refrain from voting in the future.

And after the bombing runs commenced, he'd then claim that he voted for the bombing while never really believing that the Prez would actually go and do it. Got maple syrup?

From the stretched-out e-mail inbox:

Subject: Sixty Years of Teaching Math

Teaching Math in 1950:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

Teaching Math in 1960:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

Teaching Math in 1970:
A logger exchanges a set "L" of lumber for a set "M" of money. The cardinality of set "M" is 100. Each element is worth one dollar. Make 100 dots representing the elements of the set "M." The set "C", the cost of production contains 20 fewer points than set "M." Represent the set "C" as a subset of set "M" and answer the following question: What is the cardinality of the set "P" of profits?

Teaching Math in 1980:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

Teaching Math in 1990:
By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger makes $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? What's wrong about it? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the forest birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down the trees? (There are no wrong answers.)

Teaching Math in 2000:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $120. How does Arthur Andersen determine that his profit margin is $60? And how many documents were shredded to achieve this number?

Teaching Math in 2010:
El Loggero se habla with the truckero y se ponen de acuerdo con otro driver de la competencia y etc...

Whoa! Hold on thar! I wanna try it.

Teaching Math in 2004:
One ignorant Jihad asswipe plus one wayward Sarin gas-filled, 155 pound artillery shell from Iraq equals how many dead Americans?

Calculators will not be allowed during this quiz unless your parents have been granted official victim status, or if they snuck into this country illegally. You may begin.

Nite. I'm beat.