1-9-2006 Commingling bites!

Thanks for all of the ribbing, but the Jint's playoff debacle did not come as a shock to me.

From Giants.com:

Final: Panthers 23, Giants 0

The Giantsí playoff express never really started before it was derailed. Unable to generate any offense or stop their opponents from running at will, and victimized by a series of critical mistakes, the Giants lost an NFC Wild Card Playoff Game Sunday in Giants Stadium to the Carolina Panthers, 23-0. The NFC East champion Giants ended their season with an 11-6 record.

Thing is, when you actually get to the playoffs, chances are, you're going to be facing off against some fairly decent teams. And with that said, I knew going in that we were in for some trouble after losing, like, ten linebackers to injury. We lost all three starters, two of their replacements and even a no-name promotee from the practice squad. We went into the big game with a linebacker signed off the street three weeks ago, and another whose name I had never heard before the pre-game introductions. Frankly put, the Jints were literally one more injury away from having a starting safety play the middle 'backer position in their opening round playoff game. If that's a recipe for a Super Bowl win, I'm here to tell you the ingredients aren't much to my liking.

I did have to laugh at all of the adoring press the Panthers got after the non-game. Jake Dell-who? Um, he's a low-risk, low-reward QB and even on his bestest playoff day failed to do much more than connect on screen pass after screen pass. Steve Smith? 8 yards per reception? This is your deep threat? His two touchdowns were the direct result of gigantic defensive gaffes and not any special abilities he brought into the fray. In fact, his first TD would have never come to pass if the refs had not given the, then punting, Panthers a free pass on a ticky-tack non-interference call. And their running back? What was his name? I can't even remember. He's gonna make one helluva cab driver soon enough. He didn't break tackles as much as he ping-pong-balled backwards from missed tackles to even more missed tackles.

Yeah, the Jints sucked. There's no denying that. They were flatter than I would have believed possible. But let's be real honest. The Panthers weren't all that much better.

It's cool and all. We sold our soul (draft picks) to get Eli, and now for the first time since that draft-day trade--we've got ourselves some draft picks again. Help is on the way.

I'm raring to go come July. I'm jazzed. Can you Eagle fans say the same without telling a major whopper?

Eli's comin'.

Who says nothing is impossible?
Some people do it every day!
-- Alfred E Newman

The Bush-bashing pansies went apoplectic when it was recently disclosed that NEST (Nuclear Emergency Support Team) stormtroopers were monitoring the radiation levels of the mosques in this country's largest cities. Say what you want about freedoms and such, but I'm completely on board with all of that. As we've seen all too often in Iraq and Afghanistan, mosques are used on a regular basis as military staging centers for the continuing jihad against the scumball crusader hordes.

And we've been told by the jihadists themselves that what they seek the most is an American Hiroshima. Killing people in a pizza parlor or a mall is small-time as things stand these days. No, the holy martyrs have bigger plans for American cities. Basically, they want to vaporize them out of existance in the blink of an eye. Very nice.

My question is, are the two mosques in Wilkes-Barre being eyeballed by the feds, or is Wilkes-Barre too small to be concerned about? I mean, if Wilkes-Barre went critical mass, who would notice other than the folks jogging on the dikes in Kingston? If Wilkes-Barre got nuked, most folks wouldn't even notice being that they've grown up surrounded by culm banks and flooded strip mining pits. What's one more black spot on the landscape, right?

1 of 2 In W-B

I've made it a point to drop by the Parsons mosque on occasion, and from what I've seen, it's "parishioners" hail from not only Wilkes-Barre, but New York, New Jersey, Virginia, and Maryland. Yup. Judging by the license plates outside that place of worship, you'd swear the Grateful Dead had converted to Islam or something.

Now, not being a God-fearing folk normally prone to stuffing my latest paycheck into a pre-printed envelope, I'm wondering just how far and wide the message of God (pick one) happens to travel on a given weekend. Excuse me for being ignorant in the ways of bilking the stupid out of their money, but when was the last time you changed time zones to hear a sermon? Has the local Deacon left you yearning for more on a typical Sunday? Really? I know of this really great priest in Florida, he's quite the flamboyant Bible thumper, and I'll drive all the way down there if you'll go half on the gas. Has the word of God left you feeling flat of late? ROAD TRIP!!!

Plainly stated, who the f>ck drives 300 miles to practice their faith? Or am I missing something? Is Wilkes-Barre a holy site second only in importance to Mecca?

Then throw in the fact that I have a really good memory:

5 detained near Salem nuclear plant

By Heidi E. Ruckno, Citizens' Voice Staff Writer


Federal and state authorities reported Tuesday that several men of Middle Eastern descent were driving around the Berwick and Shickshinny areas Tuesday looking for the nuclear power plant in Salem Township.

The five men, four from Bangladesh and another of Pakistani descent, were reportedly seen at the Delaware Water Gap rest area along Interstate 80 around 8:20 a.m. They were also spotted in Bloomsburg, Columbia County.

State police said they were asking directions to the river near the plant because they wanted to go fishing. Their minivan was pulled over by state police in Shickshinny around 11 a.m. on U.S. Route 11 in Salem Township, four miles south of the Susquehanna Steam and Electric Power Plant. According to federal and state authorities, the Federal Bureau of Investigation was notified. Because of visa issues, two of the five men were detained by immigration authorities.

"We did stop and detain five individuals, who were believed to be of Middle Eastern descent, because of suspicious activity," FBI special agent Jerri Williams said. Their van was searched Tuesday and authorities did not find anything illegal.

All five men were released Tuesday evening. Williams said Tuesday that there was no cause for alarm, as authorities did not find any links to terrorist activity.

Both the Luzerne County Emergency Management Agency and power plant security were notified about the incident. When asked if the power plant had taken any special precautions, EMA operations and training officer Steve Bekanich said he couldn't speak for the plant.

Power plant spokesperson Joseph Scopelliti said he knew of no procedural changes resulting from the incident. "I know of nothing different," Scopelliti said. "I've seen state police vehicles up and down the highway, but that's every day. We were made aware by state police that there was a concern."

According to Scopelliti, security at the plant is normally very tight. He said that every employee must have proper identification or they will not be allowed on the grounds, and that all unknown people and vehicles and are searched and X-rayed.

"We're ready 24-7," Scopelliti said. "We're not sitting back waiting for something. Everyone that comes up here must have a business reason to come up."

Um...like, folks from both Bangladesh and Pakistan know about those three-headed fish near the Football Township power plant? Are we that stupid? And Wilkes-Barre has the best mosques this side of the crusader's Mason-Dixon line? Whatever. If we're that gullible, we deserve to fade away in our make-shift bomb shelters under the cellar steps. Besides, who would bother to inflict a radiological event upon a bunch of coal crackers? But, what if?

Let's start with Football Township's power plant, shall we?

Iffin' that power plant of ours suffered a major malfunction, or a catastrophic terrorist attack, the "ingestion exposure pathway" (50-mile EZP) would include everything, and everyone within approximately a 50-mile radius of the power plant. Human health and safety risks associated with it include whole body and thyroid injury from ingestion of radiologically contaminated water and food.

(From Guide for All-Hazard Emergency Operations Planning)

In other words, we'd have to grab the Chia Kev and head for Walton Mountain right quick. And that's with all of the high-tech whistles and bells going off at PP&L, the county EMA, PEMA and FEMA. Not to mention the run-fer-yer-life marquees on WNEP, WBRE and WYOU. Oh, and WVIA would sound the alarms while blaming our mass-death event on Dubya with nary a shred of proof. Proof? Who needs proof when we've got partisan liars the likes of Dan Rather? 'Member him? He lied.

But if some kook took 300-years worth of x-rays and strapped them to a pile of explosives set to explode, we'd have little or no warning as we inhaled all sorts of pathigens without even having a clue. 10-mile EZPs? 50-mile EZPs? Who gives a flyin' farg when you're number came up without your even knowing as much?

If New York, Las Vegas and Detroit have NEST monitoring in place, then why shouldn't Wilkes-Barre? I'm not afraid to die, but I'd hate like hell going to my grave knowing that a bunch of loons stuck in the 4th century had done me in.

What say y'all? Is the fishing really that good in Berwick? Is Wilkes-Barre the new Mecca?

I'd walk a mile for a Camel. But I wouldn't ride 400 miles in an SUV to cast a line, or kiss a prayer rug.

You tell me, man.

I dunno.

Did I ever make mention of the fact that I absolutely f>cking hate recycling? Did I?

I used to blame the trail of crushed-flat two liters on former mayor Tom McGroarty, but I've come to learn that no matter who's got the keys to the place--recycling f>cking sucks. Wanna know why? Here goes.

First of all, we've got trucks picking up our commingled that are ill-equipped to haul the stuff back to the yard without leaving a trail behind them every time they hit a bump in the road.

Second, we've got some DPW guys who haven't seen their own peckers in decades who are either unwilling, or incapable of picking up the sh*t they accidentally dump on the city's streets. Wifey screams at them all the time.

Third, our recycling cans are too small iffin' we're going to pick the junk up every two weeks. Practically everything we consume comes in a plastic, or an aluminum container, yet, a 26-gallon refuse container is supposed to be large enough to hold a two-week supply of our commingled cast-ways? How 'bout the 55-gallon variety? Those cans of ours are usually piled so high, it's a no-brainer to conceive of plastic and aluminum vessels being crushed flat in a gutter near you, me and everyone else.

Lastly, we've all got that one neighbor that could care less about what happens to the sh*t they pile--totally unsecured--on their sidewalks. They toss it out front...and the wind takes it from there. And I am sick and tired of picking up their bullsh*t already.

Here's 20 Thompson Street at 2:30 PM today:

Lazy sumbitches

Here's 20 Thompson Street at 3:00 PM:

Lazy bastards

Here's 20 Thompson Street at 3:30 PM:

Fother mucking sock cuckers

Now, I had no way of knowing whether they were busy or not, but I made every attempt to contact our Mayor, his immediate underling, and the city's, like, third in command or some such job title. To their credit, two of them got back to me. But not before the winds started scattering, ahem, collecting the commingled cardboard and whatnot.

Wifey started marching over there for a verbal brouhaha, but I called her back. My point was that the pictures could do more good than screaming at somebody's teenaged kid. Then a neighbor got out of his car and started kicking that sh*t back towards where it first came. I talked him into laying low for a while. Then another neighbor went to knocking on the door in anger and there was no stopping her. So the teeny-bopper came out and re-piled the garbage much like it was piled a few hours before. That'll work. NOT!


Then, right around 4:10 or so, the Code Enforcement truck parked directly across the street from Wayward Garbage R US. The Code dude--I think his name is Frank--started looking around and was quickly joined by Wifey. (She's such a BEOTCH!) Don't tell her I typed that. Then lo and behold, after 15 years worth of watching those folk's garbage blowing all over the place, the "man" of the house--Tex--pulled up in his S-10 and hurriedly got to throwing recyclables into his truck bed while apologizing to Code Dude with each empty carton tossed.

Whoa! Santorum was right. There is a God afterall!

In all honesty, I could really give a funk what Tex thinks of things. If he's got a bone to pick with me, he'll let me know and his health insurance will have to take it from there. F>ckhead!

With all of that testosterone nonsense aside, this entire recycling program needs to be re-thunk. If nothing else, Wilkes-Barre's streets are lined with flattened bottles and cans, and it doesn't have to be that way. That's not the way it is in Kingston. And that's not the way it is in Swoyersville. It's not like that in Wyoming. And it's not like that in West Pittston. So, why is it the 'norm in Wilkes-Barre? Why?

When the storm sewers on Pennsylvania Avenue are blocked by little more than crushed plastic bottles and get the streets to flooding when it rains in a big way--something is seriously amiss. The sad part is, it's been amiss for any number of years.

So what are we gonna do about it?

From the e-mail inbox Mark:

In advance of finalizing everything, my plans are to pick you up between 6:45 and 7 on XXXXday a.m., head for parts north, paddle amidst records ice flows (not) and have you back at the adobe by ~7 or so. We'll be paddling from Wysox to Sugar Run, which is one of the more scenic and historic stretches on the entire river. We'll pass Standing Stone, French Azilum, Wyalusing Rocks and numerous meth labs disguised as barns.

The feet & hands will suffer the most. Since I know you bike all year, you probably have all the cold weather gear. If you have good all weather neoprene socks and gloves, you'll be fine. Most bike stores have 'em and they're not too expensive. I have an extra pair of socks if you want to use them, but only have one set of neo-gloves. A warm hat, water & snacks are also worth bringing along. Just in case, pack and extra pair of dry clothes we'll leave in the car.

Don't forget a good zip-loc bag for your camera, if you bring it along. I'll bring a PFD and I think the outfitter ( DXXXX BXXX ) will be joining us.

You will be among an elite group when the trip is over. Not too many stray forth on the river in January. Fewer return.



Yikes! If I don't return, tell wifey that while I love her, she still doesn't have permission to touch my freakin' CDs. Yo?

The USS IceBreaker is gonna set sail for points south. And you know damn well I'm gonna be taking my camera along in a zip-loc. Ramming speed!!!


Hi Mark,

I misplaced you cell phone number but I know better than to interupt you during a spanking of the Giants.

Hardy-har-har! You guys!!!

Taylor Kate is mechanized

Look what I found. Hmmm, a side carrier. And who was it that made that crack about getting a side-car for the Rock Stomper?

Gotta go.

Get your commingled out front on my mark: Three, two, one--toss!!!