3-15-2006 Hugomania

I‘ve been blindsided quite a few times during the past few days by people wanting to know if a verdict had been reached in the big Hugo trial. My job dictates that I spend the majority of my time all alone, so WILK goes with me wherever I go. And I tend to forget the pocket radio is blaring away when I actually encounter another human being somewhere along that muddy trail I frequent. So, when I do run into a customer, they figure who better to ask on the latest from the courthouse than a crazed man in the bushes with the very best that Radio Shack has to offer. In a nutshell, I’ve said “Huh? I dunno." quite a few times this week.

I’ll admit to being curious about the verdict, as well as having closely followed the trial as it progressed. Face it, Hugo’s legend was cemented just as soon as he slid down the bed sheets and set that first foot on that Bolton guy’s shattered body. And the fact that he’s been so damn amiable in the face of so many serious felony charges, while steadfastly maintaining his innocence would be proven has only added to the allure. He’s an odd dude, with an extremely bizarre case swirling around him wherever he goes sporting chains. We ain’t seen nothing’ like this case since that South Wilkes-Barre dentist of ours decided that whores were preferable to his wife.

As far as I was concerned, there wasn’t enough evidence presented during his trial to convict him of using harsh language in front of the paperboy. And that’s why I was so curious about the eventual outcome of the trial. Near as I can tell, everybody this side of Noxen thinks he’s guilty. But those same people also spotted the fact that the D.A.’s office was doing the best they could with some very flimsy circumstantial evidence. In my mind, it was a question of whether the jury would convict him on most counts while also having to realize that reasonable doubts abounded all over the freaking place in this high-profile case. That’s what I wanted answered. Would a jury comprised of my peers choose to convict him based on their gut instincts rather than as they had been instructed to?

We got our answer this afternoon, but we also learned that Hugo’s got another murder trial looming just ahead. The next trial couldn’t possibly be as loosey-goosey as this one was, could it? The one major difference would be that the first set of “victims” were cremated in a big, big way, while the second set were found buried intact. You’d have to figure that’d lead to a bit more forensic evidence to be used against Mr. Charismatic himself. You’d think. I dunno.

So, Hugo beat the rap. Ho hum. Big whoop. Back to “Days of Our Lives,” I guess. Our humdrum existence will not be denied, despite the entertainment Hugo provided us with for a lengthy spell. Back to pickin’ the dandelions and watering the grass we go. Darn!

When I got home from work today, I watched the six o’clock news to see what the video babes had to say about Hugo’s circus. And then I checked the afternoon updates on The Times Leader web site. And then, last but certainly not least, I surfed around to see what the local bloggers might have to add to the already interesting mix. I guess it was a tad early for much to have been posted at that point, but I did run into The American Check-up meets Steve Corbett.

Take a stroll through this puddle of piddle:

NEPA Check Up: Hung Up on Hugo

Hide your daughters...and drug dealers. Hugo is found not guilty in a hung jury verdict in Luzerne County. That's right, the county that almost never fails to find guilt in EVERYONE has failed, err, the prosecution has failed NEPA! What's even more astonishing is that the jury isn't the only group hung up on Hugo. Many females beleive this darling of a guy (with a resume including drop out, escapee, druggie and killer) is hot stuff. Sad, not just for the families of those buried in his yard with his shovel under his home, but also for NEPA in general. We look like dopes ourselves. So score one for the prosecutor.

In a trial reminding all of us of the OJ case, the bad guy with the 1:1,000,000 chance gets off free. Congrats to the man on Gorts website in the Free Hugo T-Shirt, maybe he can help Hugo get a god job now. Congrats to the local media, who sensationalized this dead beat and made him out to be a hero. Congrats to Hugo, for never losing his witty, sarcastic edge. Good for those of you who got what you wished for!

This case is a hallmark in our valley. We are pathetic! Maybe he should try a run at Sam Hyders job next. Considering he broke out of the prison, and selectively, we think, targeted other derelicts. Or maybe a run at Governor next. Who knows what he's capable of,...all I know is that it's appearent that our citizens are capable of going along with anything.

We look like dopes ourselves. We are pathetic! (???)

Holy naked cheerleaders, Batman! Can this guy dole out the rigmarole, or what?

Au contraire, Doctor Fiddle-faddle. Take your high-and-mighty self-importance, your much referred to superior credentials, and consider two words and how they affect the outcomes of jury trials. Ready? Try “alleged” and “evidence.” Or, in this case, a clear lack of evidence. Correct me if I’m wrong, but to suggest that Hugo had a better chance of hitting the lotto jackpot than being found not guilty is so much poppycock, it makes me wonder if you’ve got a faulty, leaky valve or two in the operating room.

The prosecution has failed NEPA? What, you’re a fu>king lawyer now? You had better stick to what you do best, which is being a Republican Party myrmidon--no matter what. No matter how many times I swoop in on your blog site, all I ever find is “conservatives good/liberals bad.” Seems I’ve heard that tired bit somewhere before. And then, the one day when you decide to deviate from the myrmidon routine, you go busting the balls of local people who had absolutely nothing to do with Hugo or his trial. Sorry, champ, but nobody failed anybody, we’re not dopes and we’re not pathetic.

There was no evidence presented that put a gun, a shovel, or even a gas can or a pack of matches in Hugo’s hand. To listen to you tell it, liars should be executed based on the testimony of even bigger liars. If they ever unearth a body on my property, I pray they keep hammerheads such as yourself as far away from my prospective jury pool as humanly possible. Proof of guilt? Innocent until proven guilty? Nah, fu>k that. Your twisted tommyrot is all you need to administer lethal justice to whomever it is that looks the part of a killer. You pre-judged the guy, and that was that. Yet, you dare to call me and mine pathetic? We look like dopes? Speak for yourself, or even better yet, stop speaking all together until you’ve got something intelligent to say.

Many females beleive this darling of a guy (with a resume including drop out, escapee, druggie and killer) is hot stuff.

Maybe he is hot stuff. Who cares? Does that bother you? Is your mirror an enemy? Since when is it a surprise to hear that otherwise rational women got all hot-and-bothered over a bad boy with a pretty face? Happens all the time, and, no, you can’t blame that ages-old and completely stupefying phenomenon on liberals.

Congrats to the man on Gorts website in the Free Hugo T-Shirt, maybe he can help Hugo get a god job now. Congrats to the local media, who sensationalized this dead beat and made him out to be a hero. Congrats to Hugo, for never losing his witty, sarcastic edge. Good for those of you who got what you wished for!

Ah, the T-shirt. We’ll get to me last.

The local media made him out to be a hero? What the fu>k are you going on and on about? How so? By asking him questions while being led in and out of the courtroom? BY reporting on his “great escape?” Quite the contrary, oh wise one. I’ve heard both Nancy Kman and Sue Henry from WILK wonder out loud about the sanity (or lack thereof) of the local girls posting borderline wet dreams about Hugo on the internet.

Who wished for what and what did they get? Hugo was acquitted and then quickly lead away to his next arraignment on murder charges. Did you assume that we forgot about those other two bodies that were found? You know, it’s dullards such as yourself that give Republicans a bad name all too often. But this is what I’ve come to expect from most of the Young Chuckleheads of Pennsylvania. You folks wield about as much power, as much logic and as much bipartisanship as a pile of soggy pressed-cardboard pogs.

And lastly, Congrats to the man on Gorts website in the Free Hugo T-Shirt, maybe he can help Hugo get a god job now.


I may be a “dope,” and I may be “pathetic,” but at least I have a sense of humor. And at least I can spot a joke when I see one. Everyone that I’ve talked to thought that stupid shirt was a frickin’ hoot, but not you.

Congrats to me? Why? What did I win? Maybe I can help Hugo get a good job now? Ah, whatever. I’m sure I could if he wasn’t shackled all the time, but what’s with the assumption that I would even want to? Lighten the fu>k up you total bore, you oaf, you buffoon. You know, you dyed-in-the-wool Republican myrmidons can take a day off every once in a while. You don’t have to judge everybody everyday.

Stick to bashing the libs, the blacks, the Mexicans, the pro-abortionists, the ACLU, the homosexuals, the bisexuals, the transsexuals, the pan-sexuals, the metrosexuals, the liberally-minded heterosexuals, the heathens, the simple and anyone who astutely points out that Rick Santorum is a lightweight boob, but--leave me out of it when all I was trying to do was provide a bit of levity.

And stop standing on everybody’s dicks because of the decision of twelve jurors. They saw the evidence, they saw their duty and they did it. End of story.

And if this valley is somehow beneath someone of your obviously superior intellect, don’t let the coal bin door hit you in the ass on your way out of town.

Lighten the fu>k up already!

From the e-mail inbox Hi Mark!

The other morning I was watching the news and learned of the fire on South Welles Street. I saw the fire victim ranting on about how the fire was so bad because of the Heights firehouse being shut down. The very first thing that came to my mind was you! As soon as the words came out of the guys mouth I could picture you hammering away in disgust on your keyboard! I figured that wasn?t going to sit well with you. I knew I would get onto your site and see your thoughts on that whole matter. In fact I was looking forward to it! Sure enough, I saw that you did. Thanks for not letting me down on that one! Good job on giving everyone the actual facts - not just what made it to the media!

Keep up the good work!

Thanx. I did the best I could after listening to some wild radio banter, but I did get the most important point right: If East Station was still open, Engine 4 would have been out-of-position on Carey Avenue when the second blaze was reported. A total non-factor.

What Tom Leighton had to say at his press conference was hard to take issue with. And I have to admit that it pains me to say I’d rather have another engine in service. I know what the monetary ramifications of such a move would be in respect to how hard he’s trying to contain costs. The thing is, having more firefighters would be great, but going bankrupt wouldn’t be so great. He’s made some tough financial decisions that his predecessors definitely shied away from, and all he ever gets for making the right decisions is grief.

You see, the union folks in the fire department want more men on every shift so as to recoup some of that overtime pay that used to be all but a certainty. And it should be noted that not all of the union members agree with the current leadership. We used to have two men on every engine and more engines in service. Then, the union demanded that three men should man every engine, so now we have less engines in service. They tell me it’s more complicated than that, but the logic escapes me.

It’s not just the fire department’s payroll that has been scaled back during the past couple of years. The same is true of the DPW folks and the copper dudes. In the past, some of these employees would double their base salaries after the overtime pay was added to the payroll mix. That was, in a word, insane. We keep saying we want our government run like a business, but when an administration ups and tries such a thing, nobody seems to like it. The employees demand more, the residents demand more, but they don’t have to answer to the financial folks that specialize in forensic audits.

A few days back I asked of y’all what Tom Leighton had gotten wrong during his short two-year stint as mayor. I had not a single taker. None. Nada. Zip. I think he’s done more good for Wilkes-Barre than most people realize and it pains me to see him have to defend himself and his decisions with such alarming frequency. When my mind drifts back to where we were just two short years ago, I find it unfathomable to see him coming under so much fire. But it only furthers my resolve to remain one of his biggest supporters.

As far as I’m concerned, he’s taken us this far and he’ll take us the rest of the way. But you gotta have some patience. And you gotta believe in a city where most of the residents belittle those that would dare to dream that, yes, we can do much better and we will.

We will.

Sez me.

Take it easy.