1-9-2007 The Church of Latter Day Climatologists

Believe it or not, someone actually accused me of being sober on National Drunk Blogging Day and I take great offense to such a scurrilous and totally off-base accusation. I would never lie about a matter of such importance. And I’m here to tell you that I probably consumed as much, if not more domestic beer than any of them side-winding, no good bloggers that were probably sipping on some of that “healthy” spring water bottled in downtown Pittston.

Speaking of blogging, before the next meet-up of local bloggers goes down, I’m sending this to the Northeast Blogging Council for further consideration.

A year ago, people were telling me that a theater in downtown Wilkes-Barre would never work. A year ago, people were sending me links that led to stories about how the theater industry was staving off an impending collapse. A year ago, people were extolling the virtues of renting movies versus having to travel to some distant theater in a dangerous urban environment. Interestingly enough, all of that came from Wilkes-Barre folk who once had to drive to Scranton to take in a movie in a state of the art setting.

From that Citizens’ Voice of ours:

Attendance remains steady at Movies 14

WILKES-BARRE — The new Wilkes-Barre Movies 14 is on track to exceed a half million guests during its first year of operation in the downtown, said David Phillips, chief financial officer for R/C Theatres.

Since its opening in center city in late June last year, attendance figures at the new Wilkes-Barre Movies 14 have been excellent, Phillips said.

With the average movie price at $6.30 and the average cost at the snack bar at $2.60 per person, he predicts the new cinema will bring in about $4.4 million by the end of its first year.

“We are very happy with the attendance,” Phillips said. “We will always take more, but the theater is performing quite well, especially under the circumstances of it being downtown, which still has obstacles to overcome.”

Here’s what always fascinated me. Despite our theater’s many stops and starts, years worth of delays and being the butt of many “Holeplex” jokes along the way, why would J. Wayne Anderson, the owner of R/C Theaters, persevere? Why would he tolerate all of the madness that was Wilkes-Barre but a few short years ago, and still want to do business in our downtown? Why? Why didn’t he divorce the lot of us a long time ago?

Well, as he said all along, the Wilkes-Barre movie market was severely underserved. And still, the abject negativity that quite capably defines us would not be stymied. Despite what he had to say, we knew it would never, ever work. To listen to many of us tell the dimwitted tale, Steve Barrouk was a big, big dummy. Tom Leighton was an even bigger dummy. And J. Wayne Anderson was the biggest dummy of them all. They were savaged. They were ridiculed. And they were thought to be given to bouts of rattletrap thinking.

As for myself, I believed all along and now I’ve got this growing collection of theater ticket stubs. No Junior Mints, mind you. But I do have this jewel of theater that will soon translate into retail “letters of intent” becoming signed leases. The Retails are coming! The Retails are coming!

And, in the end, what this proves is that the surfeit of negativity was to clairvoyance what Ophthalmology is to the dead.

Ya’ll were wrong.

I got me this question I need answered. Since far, far too many of you do not seem to understand how incrementalism shapes, reshapes and misshapes your beliefs, and since the polar ice shelves and what have you keep setting out in search of new Titanics seemingly every other day; when are the oceans supposed to overwhelm Pittston? Seriously, when are we going to be seeing some new beachfront properties created around here?

I keep hearing Al gore, the prince of sinecurism, being quoted as if his is a knowledge of ecclesiastical importance. Yes, praying at Al’s psycho-political temple seems to be all the rage these days, but when it is going to snow in Cuba already? And whatever happened to those end-of-the-bloody-world hurricanes he promised for 2006? Come to think of it, whatever became of the depleted ozone layer? That’s old news for sure, but is it all gone by now? Or is it still there, same as it always was? Oh, and what of the big “acid rain” apocalypse they promised us? If all of the fish are now long dead, where the hell is Wifey scoring all of the tuna at? Maybe Al was stockpiling it.

If I remember correctly, meteors were supposed to have destroyed the world long before George Bush ever got around to it. What became of those sizable government research grants? They weren’t wasted on utter poppycock, were they? Meteors? I should worry about meteors in a country too completely afraid to defend itself from surprise attacks from abroad? Remember when they told those oil wells set ablaze during the first gulf war would decrease the world’s temperature after blocking out the Sun’s rays? Who were those stupid fu>kers? Gore supporters?

Let me get this straight. Automobile emissions coming from America are going to destroy the environment by next Thursday, but the tens of thousands of Chinese smoke stacks belching into the sky without pause will not? What are we talking about here? Sounds more like politics than it does environmentalism to me. It sounds like average Americans are being lied to, and, more importantly, it seems as if too many Americans these days base their opinions on that which is repeated the most. Well, at least the Democrat faithful do.

Sorry, kiddies. But the world ain’t gonna end by next Thursday, no matter which chump says what. The part that bothers me is, those that buy into this useless claptrap probably deserve to see the end of all times by next Thursday for being so easily led, and being so pathetically stupid. Sez me, of course.

But, for the sake of argument, let us all agree that the world’s not-so-fragile ecosystem is set to collapse iffin’ we don’t seriously alter our ways. Okay, so what are you going to do about it? And don’t tell me you’re going to vote for Democrats. They don’t give a hoot about any of that--what they care about is turning this country into more of a socialist destination versus the oft-inspiring idea that it always was. Don’t give me the rubbish that is national politics. I want to know what you personally intend to do to save this planet of ours. What? Absolutely nothing? Yeah, that’s what I thought.

I keep hearing you average dolts repeating some gibberish you heard from some elitist dolts about what we need to do to save the day. But I don’t see anyone differing from the ‘norm. The average dolts buy larger and larger SUVs and then drive like they are two laps down at Daytona. Meanwhile, the elitist dolts sip cocktails in their stretch limos and chartered Leer jets.

Oh, but if they’d just market a 712-pound car made from synthetic beans that runs on a derivative of fermented frog urine, you’d all be ready and willing to do your part. Right? That’s what you’d have me believe? That’s hogwash and you all know as much.

I hear people prattling on and on about adopting mass transit and developing alternative fuels. And in the very next breath, the very same people are bragging about their new central air systems back at the house, or the gas-powered generator they bought just in case the nuclear power-produced electricity can’t make it from there to here. The quads. The boats. The new-styled Mustang. It’s all bullsh*t. The long and short of it is, you all want your hair dryer to work without a single exception. But some of you dare to lecture the rest of us about the fragility of the environment. And until you provide us with the working example of the energy conscious citizen that all others should follow, shut the fu>k up already!

In ways far too numerous to cite, I get guff from strangers only because I commute to and from work by way of a bicycle. “Get on the sidewalk where you belong,” you tell me as you continue in your quest to set a new land speed record with the kids in the back seat. Now, correct me if I’m somehow mentally deficient, but if you’re all so selfless and completely committed to saving this planet (as if), shouldn’t you be taking my lead? No, in the spinning mind of the concerned citizen turned eco-warrior today, I’m a freak to be cursed at. I’m the guy who deserves to be stared at, cursed at and discussed at length for the curious oddity that I am. I’m the exception to the rule. And yet, because of my political affiliation alone, there are those that will tell you I am destroying this planet.

Mass transit? Alternative fuels? Such is the vapid talk of the posing phonies who rarely if ever escape their hermetically sealed lives.

I want to know what you personally intend to do to save this planet of ours.


Absolutely nothing?

Yeah, that’s what I thought. That's about what I'd expect coming from The Church of Latter Day Climatologists.

From yesterday’s Times Leader:

YOUR TAKE: What do you think about the recent unseasonably warm weather?

Have all suddenly come up mentally lame American Idol worshippers? It’s freaking awesome, man! Global warming? Yeah, well, you can sure count me in! Let’s set fire to Al Gore’s automobile collection and raise the average temps just a tad more, hayna?


Get bent! Go to Cuba or some such bass-ackwards place.

Oh, and take a biodegradable sweater.

From the e-mail inbox Hey Letter Writer --

Nice piece in the Other Paper. I get it free (doesn't everybody?), so don't think I've deserted my good friends at the Voice of the Citizens'. Note: Apostrophe goes AFTER the S, unlike two commercials some companies are running. Plural. More than one citizen.

Anyway, you wrote well if untypical. I don't mean your ideas; we've heard them here before and they are typically on the mark. I mean the writing style. Were you on tranqs when you wrote it? In a mellow mood? Re-written by some nuns?

Where's the "pussies"? The "greedy bastards"? The "fu>king blah"? I thought, "I wonder who sent in this fine example of superb writing? Holy barnyard term! It's Mark Cour! He cleaned it up for Sunday!"

It's a great letter, but it just doesn't have that zip, that punch, that in-your-effing-face that we've come to expect.



Hey! Get off the punctuation thing. If apostrophes were so damned important, they would have made it a point to teach me about all of that in high school. Oh, wait. I think they did try. Pay no mind to that.

You get it free?

Go on…

Cut me a break, man. At least the Leader publishes my cleaned up Sunday writing. The Voice won’t. Not even once. Maybe they’ll print my stuff if I rail against the elected types and accuse them of all sorts of wrongdoing. Nah, they’ll likely figure I’m just another frustrated loser of a local Republican candidate, or an activist bent on getting myself in some sort of trouble.

I know. If I send the Voice some inept tripe about how great the majority commissioners are doing, they’d probably snatch me right up as a new editor of some importance. Nah, I don’t wanna work for an outfit that merely reprints every other news outlet’s stuff.

To be perfectly honest, I did not submit that letter to the Times Leader. Nope, wasn’t me. I’m not sure what goes on down there with the new ownership and all. But, if I had to guess, I’d say they confused that letter for something the only Republican that declared for the council race had to say. He’s a cheery, positive fellow. Always upbeat.

Let’s rewrite it as he would have likely written it.

Recently, I met a nice guy from Pittston who asked me where I reside. When I told him I lived in Wilkes-Barre, he asked me what I thought of our mayor’s job performance.

I told him that the mayor’s been nothing short of criminal, although, I have no proof. I went on to say that with the city’s frighteningly deplorable finances when he was elected, not much has changed during his first term.

The thing is, we can see the new buildings being erected and the older ones being remodeled--but that won’t help We can see the increased police presence and the much-increased downtown foot traffic--but what of the potholes? This spring, we will see quite a few other high-profile projects get well under way--but they are expenses and not the investments in our future the liars make them out to be.

Mayor Leighton once asked us to believe, only to be roundly criticized by those who had heard it all before and those who knew he cares about nothing except his pension. But as the Diamond City Partnership’s recently produced “Seeing is Believing” map of downtown Wilkes-Barre correctly points out, the city’s landscape is changing, but what about the neglected neighborhoods?

But what the inattentive electorate cannot see is that the city’s shaky finances have quickly been put back on stable footing through some creative and illegal bookkeeping. In my mind, this is Mayor Leighton’s biggest infraction, even if it flies under the radar of those he serves.

Anyway, when I made reference to the city’s abysmal finances when Mayor Leighton took office, the guy from Pittston said, “Just imagine what he could have done if he actually had some money at his disposal.”

Whew! I can only imagine what he could have done had he not lined his pockets and those of his friends.

Despite the obvious signs of progress, judging by what gets published in the two local newspapers, you’d swear we were living in some cushy suburb of Beverly Hills. I find this constant positive drumbeat to be almost overwhelmingly frustrating. And, as astonishing as it may be, the typically positive headlines are generated by the same half-dozen or so clueless councilmen.

You can’t win with these self-serving bastards in elected office who pretend to care. Their near insufferable trail of illogic is readily apparent, except, I’m assuming, to those who toil away at our two local newspapers. This is mind-numbingly ill-advised if not short-sighted beyond comprehension.

I have called this city home since 1999 and putting the post-1996 flood rebuilding aside, I have never seen so many negative changes come about in this city in such a short space of time. Wilkes-Barre is finally turning that corner only to find it an insurmountable roadblock. Now, we have gloom, albeit a still hopeful gloom, where none existed. It may be asking too much of the long-dispirited populace to be optimistic when recent history compels them to retreat to the comfort that my…that’s my negativity provides them.

We have irresponsible leaders in place for the first time in a long time. We have more visible progress going on than we could have dared to hope for, but at what expense to the taxpayers? We have exciting amenities being added to the mix, as well as infrastructure improvements, but at what cost to the taxpayers? And if that’s not enough to finally dispel the long-entrenched positive mindset, we have tons more high-profile projects on the way, but none of them will help.

So, I’m left to ask, what more do we need to finally “believe” in an obviously rebounding Republican party? When should we provide the only missing piece of Wilkes-Barre’s rejuvenation puzzle by electing me? When do we finally admit to having pride in our energizer activist gone candidate once again?

Soon, I hope.

Really, I don’t know what you people want from me sometimes. I’m too acerbic. I’m not acerbic enough. I’m a mix of “fun and anger.” When I have fun, some get angry. When I get angry, some others call that fun.

All I know is, if I make with the Lonesome Redneck Mark routine, I reckon I ain’t never gonna get published in any of those oldfangled ink bulletins. Maybe I’ll just dial up cuzzin’ Jiggy and see what he has to say about all of that. He’s a God-fearin’, pickup drivin’ feller who’s broken in many a niece out behind the tool shed. He ain’t been near right since that John Deere done run over his face, but I value what he can learn me just the same.

As he always sez to anyone sober enough to ‘member: ain’t got no need for no big city schoolin’, no high-falootin’ big words, or no goll danged skirtin’ for the trailer. All we need is some big bras, some big beer reserves and plenty of squirrels to shoot for no other reason than havin’ some good clean fun. Just till the fields, beat the offspring, rape the siblings, beat the siblings, rape the offspring and be God-damned reverent folk.

Opal!!! Get me a goll danged beer, you hot lil’ bitch!!!

Later, y’all.

Chia Kev's latest?

Oliver North is "a non-soldier."

No long-lasting effects, heh?