Somebody called me Friday just to see why I haven’t been writing much of late. He asked me if I was OK. Fact is, everything is fine. It kind of hits me post-block party that yet another joyous summer is just about over, so I’ve been enjoying what’s left of this one to it’s fullest. Besides, Steve Urban’s recent smear campaign aside, local politics has yet to rear it’s ugly head just yet. So I’ve been laying low and enjoying myself. Probably too much so.

I have been enjoying the hell out of the music of Los Straightjackets, a perfectly retro-fitted surf music outfit whose four members dress like Mexican wrestlers. (?) These guys really are good.

I see they are working on a remake of The Day the Earth Stood Still, one of my all-time favorite sci-fi movies. It will star Keanu Reeves as Klaatu. And the menacing robot, Gort, will be played by none other than Rosie O’Donnell. I’ll be at Movies 14 when this one premieres, although, sans the necessary Junior Mints.

NFL preseason. Well, it’s not something I normally pay too much attention to. But this year I’ve been on the Manning watch, being that the New York Football Giants went and teamed Eli up with a quarterback guru during the entire off season. In the four-game preseason, Manning completed 35 of 51 passes (68.6 percent) for 345 yards, three touchdowns and no interceptions. Modest numbers, but there are two very encouraging things that can be derived from these numbers in that he has been accurate with his passes, witch shows up in the much-improved completion percentage. Last year he couldn’t hit the side of a barn all too often. But, that mechanics problem seems to be behind him. We shall see.

Another thing that has gobbled up some of my time was my first-ever fantasy football league draft. When I was invited to participate, I didn’t think too much of it. Something to do, I mused. Truth is, without even a single game having been played yet, it’s been a ton of fun and I’d recommend it to anyone.

I disguised my draft intentions right from the get-go, and had everyone bamboozled into believing that I would jump on Peyton Manning with the second overall pick. It seemed as if the entire first round was set, but I selected Stephen Jackson from the Rams and threw the thing into turmoil for some. And I’m happy about that.

The other curve ball I tossed was this “belief” of mine that running backs are a dime a dozen, and that I was more interested in my receiving corps. So, what was expected of me never came about. And now that the fallout has settled, my starting roster is as follows:

Pogrom Int.

QB: Drew Brees, New Orleans

RB: Stephen Jackson, L.A. Rams

RB: Frank Gore, San Francisco

WR: Plaxico Burress, NYG

WR: Roy Williams, Detroit

WR: Donte Stallworth, New England

TE: Jeremy Shockey, NYG

K: Rian Lindell, Buffalo

DEF/ST: Dallas

DEF: Kiwanuka, Mathias, NYG

Let’s get it on!

I see we’re getting a new Thai restaurant in the Midtown Village, and a rather sizable one at that. I know nothing of Thai cuisine. Although, Scranton’s downtown is home to three such Thai cookeries, so it must be half-decent.

As for myself, I’m way to picky to partake of any of that. I once went to a Chinese buffet outlet for lunch with the guys from work. It had a huge selection of hot foods, as well as a large salad bar. And being that I will not eat that which cannot be identified, I enjoyed myself a rather huge salad and left it at that. Based on Scranton’s example, I’m expecting this new place to go over well.

I hope they have a large salad bar.

We’re zeroing in on that due date that once seemed so far off. Yep, come November, we will have five grandchildren. And since we already know it’s a boy, Avery has been picked for his name. So, in the order of their births, it’s soon to be Gage, Taylor, Zach, Jeremy and Avery.

Methinks we need another girl in there somewhere, so Taylor will have a sidekick to play Barbie and other such girlie stuff with. And if not, she’ll just have to grow up batting off a tee with the boys, much like her aunt Ebon did before her.

Remember, if raised correctly, diamonds are a girl’s best friend. Baseball diamonds, that is. In this house, the real chicks do fast pitch.

Anywho, another grandrodent is well on his way.

The local political scene has been next to nonexistent of late, as it should be before Labor Day. But, with Labor Day tentatively scheduled for tomorrow, it should start heating up soon enough. I’ve noticed the reemergence of a few yard signs. A couple for Dave Lupas. Walter Griffith has a few on Penn Avenue. And Friday I bumped into a city councilman who was leaving a print shop with political what-have-you in hand. Things are slowly gearing up.

I’ve received a few e-mails of late that came from city residents who find the Linda Stets’ campaign Web site to be very heavy-handed. That it is. In actuality, the “More News” page is downright vicious.

We know, we know. Everyone in office in this city is a criminal. Everyone is on the take. Everyone is a ruthless bastard. That is, everyone except the inept Republican challengers.

Take Walter Griffith for example. He’s recently been shouted down by both Kevin Lynn and Steve Corbett of WILK for throwing the word corruption around about as often as I throw a beer back. And every time he makes the claim that the Hazle Street eyesore turned parking lot is proof of corruption, as he so frequently has, he mentions Dr. Kerrigan’s name every single time. And if I were the good doctor, I’d have a serious problem with all of that.

So, a doctor with a very busy medical office and a clear lack of parking sought to convert a long-forgotten dump into readily-available parking for his patients, and he is labeled as corrupt for it. Hardly seems fair to me. But, when your campaign is based solely on seeing corruption under every coating of fresh asphalt, fair or not, good people are going to get splattered with mud, too.

We know, we know. Everyone in this city is a criminal. Everyone is on the take. Everyone is a ruthless bastard. That is, everyone except the inept Republican challengers.

As far as national politics goes, I saw a bumper sticker the other day that read, “Vote Democrat. It beats working.”

Got that one right.

They ought to change the name of that outfit to the Interlocking Safety Nets Party. They will spend more and more on this, that and every social program so as to improve the lives of average Americans. Meanwhile, drugs and illegals flow over our borders completely unabated. Criminals and organized gangs rule the streets. We need not more spending on, say, preschool. No, what we need is more cops, more prisons and more compassion shown for the hard-working people that follow the rules, but have their lives and liberty threatened at nearly every turn. What good is a smarter than average toddler when his neighborhood is unsafe?

A girl was raped in Kirby Park and in broad daylight? Why? I dunno. Perhaps because parolees move about with impunity, while our cash-strapped communities struggle to man their police departments? Or in too many cases, our cash-strapped communities struggle just to maintain their smallish, undermanned police departments. Why is it we never see a state police car while plowing through the traffic on the interstate highways? Got me. Maybe it’s because the state police have to patrol every bucolic corner of every far-flung county? Could that be it?

These Democrats crack me up. Every day brings us yet another safety net. The only problem is our streets, our neighborhoods, our cities and our highways are becoming increasingly unsafe. And what should be done about it? Hey, why not free community college for the children of illegal aliens. Yeah, that ought to do the trick.

Effing imbeciles all!

Speaking of the marauding illegal hordes, right before I turned his putrid talk radio show off the other day, I heard Steve Corbett say this: “There’s a meanness there. There is a meanness in this whole immigration debate.”

Debate? What frickin’ debate?

We say defend our sovereignty, our culture and our country, and you shout “bigot, racist and Republican.” There’s no debate going on there. And there never can be when the overly self-righteous do-gooders have anything to shriek about it. We say close the borders, and you go right to those judgmental guns of yours firing off a few well-worn insults.

Yeah, those who say no one should be judgmental of others get all judgmental on anyone and everyone not willing to bend over and grab the ankles such as they do.

What of our sovereignty? Our culture? Our language? Our traditions? Our…

You’re mean, you bigot!

And to the big, bad bully himself, Steve Corbett, I offer the following:

Dork, only a raving right-wing lunatic would believe that the deportation of 20 million people is even remotely possible. What the great majority of us silly average Americans are asking for is the sealing, the enforcing of this country’s borders. And in this troubling day and age, with feeble-minded religious zealots getting penile erections at the mere thought of mass-casualty terrorist events, there is no rational argument that can be made against sealing our borders tighter than a Tupperware. There is no logical argument that can be made against ensuring our sovereignty as a nation.

And if you persist with the incredibly lame “you’ll be paying more for tomatoes” nonsense, I will publicly blame you and the rest of your clueless do-gooder ilk when the next mass-casualty event painfully unfolds. Tomatoes? You’re kidding, right? This is a come-on to infuriate people and enhance your ratings, right? You’re not this completely stupid, are you?

And what the hell will become of this country’s long-term finances and debts as you work to change it from a welfare state to the welfare state to the entire world?

All the Mexicans want is a better life? Yeah, and I can understand as much. One word comes to mind. How about revolution, politically or otherwise? Americans line up to defend their country, much the same way it was borne in the first place. So, when will the folks from south of the border take some pride in their home country, rather than fleeing it and making this country into a distorted version of theirs?

Seal the borders, dork. That’s all we want. Your newfound illegal friends can stay here. They can still scam the system, much like my newest neighbors do. You know, the women head over to the corner grocery store with Access Cards in hand while the men tend to their under the radar contracting businesses. I see it. I know it. And so do you, but you won’t admit it because of your strict partisanship, your 60s-indocrinated white guilt and your mistaken belief that America would be a significantly better place if it wasn’t so damned lily white.

So, I await your feeble arguments against the sealing of our borders. I cannot wait. Something to do with the price of turnips, or perhaps the bigotry that fuels my rage, or the fact that you feel better about yourself, how a tiny portion of your guilt is assuaged after another ample helping from the diversity buffet. I’ve heard it all, over and over, and it makes absolutely zero sense each time it is repeated.

So do it. Make a rational argument against protecting our borders.

Do it, dork.

And as for your comment, “…to find out why they believe what they think they believe” I must say, your arrogance, your perceived intellectual superiority is insulting, if not, outright repulsive.

If we dare disagree with the pompous rejects from the last cultural war, we don’t know why believe what we think we believe? Thug dork, your misplaced and unearned self-righteousness oozes like a rotting corpse’s eyeballs. If we dare disagree with the likes of you, we are silly, ignorant and completely unwashed. Gotcha.

I say again, debate? What debate?

You’re too sophisticated and too worldly for us. Please don’t kill us all with one of your powerful karate chops. Please.

Dork.

Oh, and then there’s his sidekick in dorkdom, Kevin Lynn.

Okay, a senator from Idaho has been supposedly hiding his true sexuality in a closet for quite some time, and then he gets himself arrested for playing “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours” in an airport bathroom somewhere.

As for me, big whoop immediately comes to mind. He’ll be forced to resign or something. Who cares?

Oh, but said senator is a Republican, so we’re going to have to hear about this guy ad nauseum on WILK. Yep, this one won’t be allowed to die the quick death it so obviously deserves. Nope, we have to endure Kev’s ‘homo in the GOP, homo in the GOP’ rants to the point of absurdity.

Being that the senator involved has been staunchly anti-gay throughout his career, he deserves to be called the hypocrite that he is. I take no issue with that.

But, being that Kev never met a person or a group he wasn’t willing to unfairly slander, I do take issue with his calling the voters of Idaho “morons” for having elected the defrocked senator. Coming from him, the name-calling is typical, but the illogic is frightening.

Let’s see if we’ve got this right. They voted for a straight man who lied to them. They voted for someone who wasn’t what he claimed to be. They voted for a phony.

And that makes them “morons” exactly how?

How, Kev? Tell us all-knowing one, since you know everything.

Wait. Nevermind. Sorry. I remember now.

They are registered republicans, hence, they are morons. Got it. Sorry for the momentary lack of clarity on my part. It won’t happen again.

More pearls of wisdom from the Repulsive Duo at WILK. We’re morons, we’re dumber than rapidly mutating phlegm and we don’t know why we believe that we think we believe. (?)

They call it talk radio, but all too often, it sounds like elitist radio schlock to me.

Anyway, I really hate to rain on anyone’s parade. But, despite the rampant wishful thinking, I’m still alive, well and writing.

Sorry.

Go Jints! Ray is still counting on you from somewhere or other.

‘Til next time.